I crave that deep sleep
or that deep awake
but the the kind of awake
where your mind is asleep

I crave a sense of peace
or a sense of inspiration
but the kind of peace
where were your mind
wanders through your imagination

I crave a great embrace
or just a soft hug
but the kind of embrace
that works like a drug

I crave a spiritual wake
or just a nudge from God
but the kind of wake
that'll heal my heartache

I crave oh how I crave
for God's grace to save

Most days I am not sure you exist.
And the days I do, I still don't believe in your potential to be any different from me.
I hope you stop forgiving people so easily.
Learn to make them work to remain in your life,
Don't just hand back the keys to the dysfunctional house you call your heart.
I hope that someday, someone proves worthy of all the kindness you're given.
If you are real, if I really can make the necessary changes to become you,
Know that I am sorry.
Truly, deeply sorry for all the unnecessary trouble I put you through.
Perhaps I'll stop getting high and give up drinking to forget so much,
Maybe then you'll have a fighting chance.
And if I don't, know I am sorry for this too.
Whatever you do, or have done in your life,
I hope you don't forget about the people who got you there,
Who helped you get through everything.
Hopefully one day we'll believe in the magic of love again.
I'm sick of bleeding out old wounds.

Future me, whom ever you may be,
if you are lucky enough to get out of this pit,
out of your terrible eternal nightmare,
please never come back.
No matter how much the night feels like warm velvet,
Not even when the drinks are free and pills are easy.
Run from me, your past.
Try to be happy.