I realized what you meant
When you thought it's just laziness
When you expressed your concern
Over my health
Over my being over
The lack
Of me
Lately.
Over the lack of art
The lack of things I create with my
Mind and my hands
And my need
To express
My insides
The raw things
And thoughts
And feelings
I understand
Your concern and desperate way
Of speaking
Your exasperated wondering
If something in me is broken.
I'm happy
But where is my art
My paintings
Drawings
Writing
Music
And I think
Maybe because I am happy
I have lost the ability
To create
The things I made before
Were art born of pain
Born of raw unfiltered sorrow
Anger
And when I'm happy
Art doesn't flow as easily
And I've just accepted it
And I've just accepted being
In a rut.
And I understand your
Anger
Your sorrow
Your wondering and fear
That I'm just going to be
Lazy and Undriven.
Your fear that
I've stopped
Being
That I've stopped going
That I'm in love
And that I love you
But what am I doing
Sleeping and eating and nothing
So much
Nothing.
I am going to change that.
I am going to change me.
Because I love you.
And love is not enough.
You need to see that spark in me.
You need to see that go.
The big dreams.
That I've tucked away.
For comfort in sleep.
I need those nights where I toss
And turn
Until I get up and create
Magic
Drawing things
Boring things
Amazing things
Playing music from my heart
Singing from my soul
And making things around me beautiful

A sketchpad on your lap
then lines became alive
There are smudges on the edges
and coals on eraser.

It's very important
to keep eyes into the wild
to smell that juicy lemon
and to taste in everyone's mouth.

But the time came..

When it's hard to persist
that seeing everyone's mouth
asking what's beyond
You try to give colors
but nothing seems profound
You try to give emotions
but everyone looks numb.

You keep asking
if the contrast are right
or the colors are just dumb
are my feet left untracked?

I've been in a rut.


I don't like this.


I've lost self respect.


I can't recover.


I've broken my own heart.


Will it ever end?

Vacuum-sealed in cloudy plastic
Suffocating by design
No claws to tear through
No blades to slice
The coldness of the air seeps through
But no breath can be taken
Peek-a-boo I see you
Creepy clouded faces stare
Known yet quite veiled in circumstance
The harder the struggle
The weaker the fight
Light fades as breath strains
Wishing for pinholes

To often we fail to tune ourselves in.
   We get caught in rut after rut,
      Morphing into puppets... just going with the motions.
Too fixated on all we could lose to recognize each win.
   So weary of love we keep our hearts bolted shut.
      We are so afraid of change we cringe at the notion.

Sometimes you need to runaway from reality,
   Take a leap off of comforts shoulder…
      And dive into your intuition.
Free yourself from that corrupt mentality,
   And smile to keep the world from growing any colder.
      Your soul will sing a melody of bittersweet honesty…just listen.

That is where true beauty lay…
   In each untouched corner of your heart,
      Beneath each unspoken word of your inner voice.
It is never to late when you are blessed with another day.
   To live simply, take a breath and let the past part…
      And confidently make happiness your choice.