High and noble
clawing back up to confidence
the fractionalized ebb and flow of my self-development
It sinks to laze and despair
then comes back with newfound action and plans
Just constricting and expanding
in the entropy of a universe
where everything else does the same (collapse)
recognizing so I can do better than better each time
Wondering if it's just my body
What pills did I did or did not take?
What did I or did not eat?
One weekend off and I'm knocked out
but what's worse
the routine or the break?

Every day as I drag this body out of bed
It speaks in ways I cannot comprehend.
“Tired.” It says but its eyes are awake
With a defeated look it closes them again.

Its weight on my back tires me enough
To sit at intervals, places smooth or rough.
Sometimes as I get back on my feet again
It pulls me back sharply, darkening my brain.

Somehow once again, I know I’ll adapt
To this routine of falling and getting back.
Through these days there’s something to gain,
The truth in its eyes when I see in reflection, its face.

When morning comes and I wipe away the tears
From your face, you are alarmed by their existence.

You hurry to the shower, leaving a trail of clothes in your wake.
Symbolic of your desire to shed yesterday's stresses.

You let the water run down your face and think,
I could let it out now.  This is my last chance to cry.

The water runs cold, back to your senses.
Times wasting, places to go, people to see.

You stand in front of your reflection judging.
You lack grace, you lack confidence, fix your posture.

Should I dress to impress, you ask.  Whatever makes you happy.
You dress for comfort, baggy jeans with a shirt and  zip-up hoodie.

Toast with peach jam.  Your favorite.  A balance of sweet and savory.
A glass of water.  Pills on the side.  You need them apparently.

Keys, wallet, phone and you're out the door.  Deep breath.
If it isn't raining, you wish it were.

Life in a mess
Mind reflects
Bring call to order
No rest small steps
Routine reigns supreme
Breathe that little bit more
Look a little bit further
Sterner fall through the pane of pain
Prioritise, it'll be worth it
Organised chaos is lived short term
Energy hiltered keep clear use a filter
House of cards can only grow so far
and won't last just wilter

C – me, slumped over in bed,
       tousle-headed, still half-dreaming.
O – the yawn, long as it is wide,
       accompanied by copacetic stretches.
F – a familiar pose,  
       bent over my phone, browsing.
F – the faucet gushing,
       my toothpaste dislodged unceremoniously.
E – the stack of banana pancakes,
       doused in honey, decimated briskly.
E – the coffee maker beeps,
       the ****** to a routine morning.

A couple jogging in the park
Can't seem to schedule in ***,
They pass the plight
Of an overwhelmed trashcan
With indifference.
Some have too much,
Others not enough.

A young mom
Pushing the pram,
A young snail
Pulling its shell,
A bird on a wire
Watching both intently,
The call of his stomach
Shall prevail.

Love and doubt,
Apathy and duty.
A checklist of options
Lost in the quicksands of time.
Pick one to share,
As if metering off infinity
With a yardstick.
******* the hour.
Confuse the day.
Create exotica by building
Interest in offshore drilling.

The well run dry,
What's left to strike
Rests inside the mind.
The second hand cannot remember why
She must constantly move like a shark,
And so she settles to sleep,
Forgetting who she is.

The couple in the park may run
home to make love in the shower.
The trashcan may finally
Be relieved of its anxiety.
And young mom, snail and bird
May find continued purpose.
But when asked what time it is,
The clocks with amnesia
Will only be able to say,
"I don't know."

I can no longer see past the smoke.
Life is a heartbeat
Inside a cage of fear.
What we don't know is terrifying.
What we do know is even more so.