I find myself lost in a river of emotions,
With no life jacket, no raft,
Just me,
Water up to my neck,
Drowning on the inside where nobody can see,
I put a smile on my face and act as if everything is ok,
But all I do is wait patiently,
For someone to save me from these crashing waves,
The longer I stay here,
I drift further and further away,
The bed I made was a river,
I had no intentions to stay,
I guess that’s what happens when you pretend and put on a show,
But the truth is out,
Now everyone knows.

Dear God,

please keep my head above water,
even when I feel like drowning,
I know your hands are guiding the waves.

hey!
hey you!
can you hear me?
you can?
oh god finally!
help me!
i'm trapped!
this cell!
its dark!
and cold...
and the eyes!
the eyes are watching meeee
don't back away!
im not inane!
i'm trapped!
i'm trapped in my own mind...
and i don't know how much time i have!
oh no the guards are coming!
wait where are you going?
come back!
don't leave!
help....

Too happy to write words.
The words of despair.
Sentences that came easy before, now sit in a void.
A void of unfortunate happiness.

The crevasse of heartbreak looms under inches of pleasure.
One last kiss won’t break the ice.
Let’s risk it.

To fall down to the depths of darkness.
Only to be rescued.
Once more.
By you.

You told me that I played all my cards right
but what I played didn't compare to her,
and the house of cards you were building would soon ignite.

So I ask:

Alaina,
did you really ruin my life?
Or was I too blind to see that you had come to my rescue?
All this time I've despised you,
but it's as clear as day that it wasn't your fault.
And because you were the key to set me free,
he will suffer in agony knowing he'll no longer get the best of both worlds.