I can hear them again,
I can hear the voice.
They are calling me out,
To make the choice.

They want me to start,
To use again.
They telling me to end,
End all the pain.

I know this numbing high,
The brown slop.
I know they are right,
It makes it stop.

They are screaming listen,
Listen.

Yesterday I woke up in a feeling of pure nausea.
I threw up in the shower, but I forced myself through because,

I have to keep up with this facade that I have my life together.
That somehow, in some way, I’m getting better.

Yesterday I went to school and I felt scared and alone.
I have no one to talk to, all I have are memes on my phone.

But I have to keep up with this facade that nothing is wrong.
That I haven’t been suicidal and depressed for this long.

Yesterday I came home in a feeling of exhaustion.
I saw a message from a so called friend who said it was me he would abandon.

I can’t keep up this facade, ******* it, I’m already so alone here.
Why would you abandon your friends for a girl who barely knows what personality you wear?

Yesterday I broke down crying from the loneliness and silence in my room.
I tried to sleep it off, but I just woke up in a nauseated doom.

This facade is only a wall to block those who wish to care.
And yet I always claim that I’m not being treated fair.
...
Yesterday I slit my arms until they bled.
Because I’m tired of the things that everyone said.

I can’t keep up with this facade that I’m happy, because I know I’m not.
I feel it every day and it makes me feel like I should lay on the ground to rot.

Yesterday I...

Yesterday I wished there was no yesterday.
Only a silence to fill the room of a body in decay.

But I have to keep up with this facade that nothing happened last night.
I put my long sleeve sweater, smile, and quietly march on, hoping they never notice another lost fight.

I latched onto the beast as it took off with a pounce
And I gave all I had pound for pound ounce for ounce
And just as I thought I had reached the beast's head
I looked up and was under the belly instead