I have 100% been through hell. I have been through so much my whole life. I've been judged and bullied for 10 years. I've been hurt physically, emotionally, and mentally. I've been threatened over and over again. I've been Abandoned and alone a lot for long amounts of time. I've felt love toward someone for 10 years (almost 11), that person hurt me 3 times and put through heart shattering pain.

Do you know what it feels like to be hurt by someone you love so much that you don't know what to do with yourself? Do you know what it's like to love someone for 10 years, then get rejected and your heart broken by that same person and still love and wanna be with them? Do you know what it's like to hate yourself so much that your too ashamed to go or do anything, because your too fat, too ugly, or you just don't fit in?

Well all of that, It's me. Every last bit. I know I am a crazy mess. I know I am a pathetic, ugly, fat, loser, that has a loving caring family, but a really messed up life. That is the person I am in my eyes. So if you really think I am "all that", a "showoff", someone who's "perfect". Yeah, well, Guess what... There is no such thing as "perfect" and I know that very well.

I do not do or go through all this ******* to get attention.
I do not tell you who I am or "show the real me" because I will scare you away like everyone else.

So.. I guess this is goodbye because I know you'll run like everyone else.

The helpless of my heart;
Pleads to remove these burdens.
My mind and I
Are having debatable
Conversations on whether I’m
Fine or not,
But my settings start to
Twist with my plot.
I was here,
Then there.
I’m so caught in my mind,
I didn’t notice the eye stares.
A normal day for me is rare.
Preparing myself for my long
Journey walk.
Only ashes and dust comes out
As I begin to talk.
Black is surrounding me with a splash
Of blood.
The insides of my hands is *****,
And my fingernails are full
Of mud;
From where I tried to bury;
My sins.
I try to drink my soul away
Just in case I don’t get in.
I close my eyes to a million
Memories,
Good and bad.
They flash before my eyes,
Like a movie being replayed.
The devil is feasting on me,
From Marci soul I prepared
And accidently made.
I feel homeless in time.
I feel I’ve been gone for
A decade.
Nothing will never change,
And my grin will remain false.
My pearly white teeth I smile
Will remain fault
To what’s hidden beneath.
My warm hugs I give for a greet,
Is only a cold shoulder I give
Because no one knows the
Real me.





-Marci H.

Cold to the touch
Rose cheeks
It's gripping slowly and sweetly
But tight and cold

They don't see
My true pain
They don't believe
My mind

Maybe it's better that way
To never speak
To shut up
And sleep forever

Maybe