My words are like knives;
Most of the time -
They pierce you;
They are the unwanted truths.

My words are like candy;
Some other times -
They are sugary;
They get me what I want.

My words are inspirational;
When the need be -
They are like fire;
They warm up your heart.

My words are powerful;
And influential -
They command respect;
They cannot be ignored.

Fallen hints
fall on
hollow skies.
The spiritess
silences your lies.
She's fierce and
follows light within,
illuminating authentic skin.

Have you ever seen someone so crumbled,
That it seems they are dying?
Someone so hurt,
And so full of distaste for themselves that they tried to end?
I have.
I have been one,
And I have met a million.
And there is ONE thing I have realized about all of these people.
Not one of them is weak.
Not a single one.
Most of these shattered souls have held together through a million beatings,
Physical or verbal.
All of these beings who fold in upon themselves,
Trying to hide,
Are the most beautiful humans to ever exist.
Each of these souls with an ache for an end,
Are talented, and skilled in ways that most would not think.
Every bruised heart has loved a trillion,
But are now afraid to have someone cruel reach in,
And rip their love out.
Every single one of these people are perfect,
Worthy beings.
Every single soul like this,
Deserves to wail,
And cry.
Each one has every right to scream,
And howl,
Until their lungs are weak.
All of them deserve the most perfect love,
And they each deserve respect.
To most,
Each of these souls are weak.
But they are not.
They are trees whose limbs have been scorched,
But are still breathing,
And are still dreaming,
Even if they believe that they do not deserve a single good thing.
They have leaves sprouting at their bases,
Flowers blooming from their roots.
They may seem powerless to some,
Even themselves,
But they are wise,
Powerful souls,
With a thousand rings in their tree trunks,
Who will NEVER be uprooted.

When you leave me and walk away,
my heart will cry, but I’ll still be the same.
No matter how hurtful the things you say,
my worth’s still intact; it will always remain.
My love, without you life might be gray,
however I am tired of playing this game.
You can push and pull - try as you may,
but I won’t allow you to cause me more pain.
Now, my darling, it's my move - my play,
so I'm going all in, no longer tame.
I'm choosing myself unapologetically this day.
I will venture on forward; forgetting your name.
When you realize what’s happened, you’ll beg me to stay.
You'll try to tell me it's a loss, but I can only see gain.

I am tired, exhausted really.
I’m not getting enough sleep. Not enough is going my way.
Writing takes a piece of my soul and turns into words while meaningless by themselves becomes something with power.
Life doesn’t feel vibrant and colorful like I know it sometimes can be.
Life has instead been replaced with a gloomy, apathetic relative.
Life has been treating me unfairly, despite my best efforts.
It has left me broken and bruised and bleeding in the middle of the battlefield.
Despite my cries, nobody hears me as I continue to disintegrate into a shriveling pile of nothing.

I feel like I’m losing. No, I know that I’m losing.
Because see it’s not the battles that matter, it’s the war.
Things have changed, I’m slowly coming back to the person I used to be, unhappy with myself and with life.
I’m completely terrified of this thought but far too tired to resist.
I don’t know how to reverse, I don’t know how to find happiness.
I have lost the road map, I’m scrambling for a hand hold or some sort of sign.

I’m too tired to fight.
I’m too tired to be happy.
I’m too tired to focus on school work.
I’m too tired to push myself through 6 hours of homework a night.
I’m too tired to carry around a 40 pound backpack from class to class.
I’m too tired to find balance between healthy habits and what reality holds.
I’m too tired to effectively manage my time, I would rather self-sabotage.
I’m too tired to write, I’ve already said this.
Maybe if I got more sleep, not so much in my life would be wrong.  
I like to think that the majority of my life’s problems would be fixed with a little more balance.
Perhaps my life would look a little more like my aspirations.
Perhaps I would be happier and my eyes filled with more ambition.
Perhaps my notebooks would be filled to the brim with intelligent ideas and beautifully crafted writing.
Perhaps my life would look more like the plot to a cheesy indie film with the protagonist figuring everything out during a montage set to sentimental music. I would enjoy that.
Or
Perhaps nothing would change. And everything I imagined is nothing but an impossible world created by fractured idealist’s fuel and fabricated fiction.
I’m exhausted and tired of putting my ideas out only to have them rejected.
But that’s what writing is about. Reality, and pushing through.

Writing isn’t supposed to be infused with sugar-coated metaphors and avoidance of the truth.
Writing isn’t supposed to be lies, although that narrative is proposed often.
Writing isn’t supposed easy.
Writing is supposed to be about emotion.
Writing is about failure.
Writing is about heartbreak.
Writing is supposed to be about the rough times as much as it is about the good times.
Writing is real.
Writing is exposure.
Writing is powerful, simply because of the truth behind it.

So I will continue to write even when I don’t feel like it.
I will continue to face reality, head on with a stare colder than ice.
I will write because it’s not supposed to be easy.