there's a paradise in the way you say my name
   or she says my name or he says my name
syllables crashing like head on car collision or train wheels wrestling with the tracks
one time i brought back a starfish from the ocean
hiding it in my sweater pocket
it soaked all the way onto my pants into the upholstery of my father's old car and everyone pretended they didn't see
maybe it wasn't even there, maybe i wasn't there
sometimes ghosts would follow me i would end up breathing on the glass and leaving impressions as proof
of existing, of understanding what it meant to live with the living

getting home, unearthing my discovery in the bathtub
but there was only a thud, an ugly crash on the resin
the fiberglass making the death inhabitable
i wanted you so much you turned to stone
a hard shell of what i found so beautiful i could cry but there wasn't even a yell
ignore me and ill love you forever
i picked you up, cradled on both my palms but the keepsake was in the lesson
a memento of solitary moments waiting
shrivel up

my father found me or maybe it was my mother or maybe it was nobody and i picked myself up silent  
into the backyard where i dug until my fingers hurt, until my hands knew the brittleness of rhythm
i might have never stopped until i reached some kind of closure or maybe magma, a molten crust of hell i had missed before
my jeans dirt-stained and my face red from scratching bugs that weren't really there
maybe we met at the wrong time, maybe there's never a right time for anything
you reach certain points and then head back in the other direction
you bleed until it's time to reach for the band-aids in the medicine cabinet and call it healing
maybe i'll never know some things
never figure out questions that still tap on my windowsill demanding to be answered or asked in the first place
and i think i can fit comfortably in that, in this

She kept going
Around and around
On the carscell
At the airport
A soft
Fluffy flame like puff
Is beside the girls
Bag.

She was looking
for her bag
As the flame puff comes around
The girl notices
And
Scoops up the tiny puff

What luck
A girl finds a puff
A cute puff
As she leaves with her new pet
The puff nuzzles the girl
“What a loving pet”
The girl thought
Then it’s when
The girl names her
Ball
The looks at the she puff
And asks

“How can something so loveable come
From an airport?”

The gold fish named Tony (a poem)

Happily and freely
Does the fantail goldfish
Named Tony
Swims
With out a care in the world

Tony thinks
The world is a peaceful place
Yet he does not know
Much of what goes on
Beyond the fish Bowl

But it is better
Then hearing and seeing
The bad things
That happens outside of the
Fish Bowl

So freely and happily
Tony swims
Ignorance is bliss
When you’re a fantail goldfish
In your little slice
Of paradise

You've heard all of my stories.
You're versed in what I do,
but when I ask it of you,
you won't try anything new.

Tell me,
how should we progress, then?
Or would you like to stay
within the shade forever,
never knowing, never knowing
more
             more
                           more
        more
                        more
   more
      

           more?

Cats have the power to heal,
Because they feel
What you feel.
These companions,
Connected to us
With love and spirit.
And they are unaware
Of how much they help us.
And for that, we
Must always
Take care of them.

You looked up at me,
Wide-eyes;
Expecting some demise.
You just woke up,
I was amazed to see
Your small black and white
Body curled.
Your tummy rising and falling.
You were beautiful.
The way you held on
To me as I picked you up;
Loveable.
My Leo.
I long to hear your bell again:
Sure, it kept me up all night-
In fact, your meows along
Lost me hours of sleep.
You were talkative, yes.
But, I suppress…
I lived for you in that moment.
I miss how you would hide.
Some nights I would cry
If I couldn’t find your hiding spot.
Of course, you didn’t realize how
Much you scared me.
But, surely you knew
The care
I had for you.
I long to nap with you
Again, my friend.
My first cat.
I wanted to spend
A good portion of my life with you.
But, life had other plans.
You were born with some mis-wires.
You had trembles,
Seizures-
Electrical shocks turning to personal
Earthquakes.
You stopped eating then.
You were unhealthy.
And it became hard
To admit
That with all the love I had,
It could never have prevented
The end.