The hardest part of smiling
Is knowing it won't last

Slowly drowning me
With your negativity.
Bringing me down
With your selfishness.
You sit there and wonder
Why your life has turned out the way it has.
Some things are understandably upsetting,
Others, terribly exaggerated.
You sit there and wonder what your life has become,
Though yet you do nothing to make it better.
Your words burn the hearts of others,
Though you expect forgiveness a moment later.
Boasting about what could have been,
What you have missed out on,
Blaming others for your own mistakes.
You expect all those around you to forgive your piercing murmurs,
That become more than just background noise,
More like spiteful parodies,
As you laugh with yourself
Lost in your negativity.
Breaking those around you,
Losing others along the way,
I won't be able to take it for much longer,
Can't stand your negative ways.

Hello, New Year, will you be kind?
I doubt it, I doubt you, and this is why:

Last year you were cruel, you ripped good from Earth
You watched tragedies happen without a bit of shame.
You couldn't be bothered to reverse your stroll, reverse time
And that doesn't change simply because you changed your name.

I miss
being in love,
and I'm afraid
it only happens
one time

When I was younger I've been on the receiving end
Always getting what others got for themselves
Now that I'm older I see myself giving in
I question why some people are kind to me
How could they when all I am is negative energy

I dreamed a world where I could wish on a shooting star
When I looked at the sky I wondered where the stars were
My demons held me down until I felt a pain that's sharp
I gasped for air woke up in the dark

I would rather live than be alive forever
Living for myself is my only desire
If Autumn ever comes around to change my mind
I know then I can happy and leave my past behind

Move like water around the rocks resting in a stream
Is how I live never overcoming anything
To move like birds in a forest that's so green
Is how I want to dwell before I am deceased

I dreamed I surpassed everyone's expectations by far
To imagine such a reality seemed too bizarre
Every time I want to move forward, all I can feel is the walls in the dark

You have your friends
I have my dreams
I hope you follow yours while I'm in my nightmares sound asleep
Don't look back
Promise you'll forget all about me
Don't feel bad because in time I'll get over how you've made me happy
You deserve the world, that's impossible for me to give
You were my world and I need to find another galaxy

When the sun goes down
I'll still be awake
Drowning myself in my mind to accept and make sense of this agonizing heart ache
Don't look back

I'm glad we crossed paths
I'm glad you're flying away to do more than you ever could in this town in the east
When I cross your mind
Remember that I wouldn't have wanted things to go any other way

Sometimes i wonder,
wonder at all the mazing sights,
sounds,
smells,
and all the amazing people,
friends,
family,

Sometimes i wonder,
wonder at everything and nothing,

i wonder about emotions,
what are they,
why do we feel,
why do we not feel,

you see i have wondered today about a lot of things,
people,
the world,
and feelings.

Why, well because i hurt,
and when i hurt i think,
think about the good and for some reason being a pessimist,
how the good things seems to miss me by,

you see one feeling i don't understand and i don't think anyone understands is,
Love,
you see twice i have fallen head of heels in love,
and twice now i have fallen down because of it,
in pain and sorrow and disbelief,

right now i am in denial i am sure,
because i can't believe its happened agin.

and honestly i don't want to believe in love,
is if love gets you this.

but was it love, or was a it a desire to feel some one close both physically and emotionally,
desire and love are different,
but feel the same.

Maybe I'm just too young to understand or maybe I'm just not optimistic.

just a thought after being left again.

Life just throws you loops
And strange circles
  That you've traversed
Millions of times before,
  And this world
Is physically rotating in
  It's most tedious way possible
Day in and day out,
  And the funniest part of all
Is that the definition of
  INSANITY
Is "doing the same thing over and over again
  and expecting different results"
According to Einstein.

          We're all crazy.
          Just taste a small droplet
          Of pretentious poison
          And take it
          Because it's embodiment
          Is everyone.

Do you ever look in the mirror,
and question what you're doing wrong?

I looked in the mirror today.
I thought nothing changed.

But, things changed.

I lost a teacher to cancer.
I lost my care.
I lost my compassion.

Did you ever wonder what's out there?

I did.

But, then I quit thinking.

Because it killed me.