I am
.
I am
the product of my surroundings
.
I am
the result of my parents
.
The influence of my friends,
I am
.
All that, is what I am
What formed me
What brought me here
.
Their mistakes run in
my veins
.
Yet, I refuse
to be defined by them
.
All of that
I am
.
But I will
define myself
.

4/9/17

There is a circle of chairs in this room.
To my left
a man reads "Watchmen".
Red converse, superhero jacket.
Behind him,
a red haired girl squeaks
high pitched moans
at her cell phone.
On my right
three pill bottles exchange philosophy
on how to wake up
Only one considers taking
the advice.
In front of me is a bulk of man, farm tattoos, blonde crew cut,
Wife back home watching their two kids.
He's building rapport with a lanky indie chick
Knit cap & OBEY hoodie, viynal record brain, paper coffee cup hands
By the map of America sits a quiet girl
Trying not to be noticed
Hoodie three sizes to big
Grey, no coffee, no eye-contact
Beside a blur of neon pink camoflauge
A blob the shape of school bag
packed for an overnight studying
a dead body

Smack center of all of them?
Me.
Like IM the one that needs attention.

Sometimes I'm eloquent
And quick
And clever
Thinking on my feet effortlessly
Sometimes I'm awkward
And twitchy
And quiet
Throat stuck in itself
But I'm worth it dude...
I have something worth your time
The feels when you want to *****
Shiver down my spine
I'm alright

Crazy is the medicine
as is what the body does
Blood let won't be of my own
Problems? Come find
my home, secluded precipice
Hold up your hand
still it of the trembles
willingly consign
worry at the cost of
all you own

Medicine, come fight me!
Split existence, split to wind.
I'm paper, aren't I?
The weaker of the two.
You're ink, aren't you?
You will do.

Hello, my name is selfless, I only care about other people so don’t ask me how I’m doing I am only concerned with your well being.

Hello, my name is forgetful and I keep forgetting you name and pretty much everything else about you.

Hello, my name is confusion, and I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be here or not. Can you help me out??

Hello, I’m apologetic and I’m sorry for everything thing I’ve done, or have done, or things I never did I’m sorry.

Hello, most people call me silence, you can find me in many places but I find the most comfort in peoples discomfort of awkwardness.

Hi, I’m solitude, and I don’t want anything to do with you STAY AWAY FROM ME.

My name is anger and I hate everything and everyone for absolutely no reason, but if you want I can give you a million reasons to justify my actions.

My name is lonely, and I just want you to hold my hand so that maybe it can stop shaking so much.

People sometimes call me disappointing and I hold onto that like it’s the only part of this cliff I can hold onto to keep myself from falling.

Hello, I’m transparent and I’m thinner than the page of the book you used to read, so thin that you can see right through me, or maybe not even see me at all.

Hi, my name is dictionary, and I know how to describe your whole life in many words you may never understand.

Hello

My name is Swingline.

And I would make a name for myself to describe what I think I am or what I’m supposed to be. But the name I seek…

Isn’t in the dictionary yet.

I am warmhearted and icy cold,
with a pretty face that's getting old.
I am fragile yet tough as a man,
struggle thru life with no real plan.
I am petite and cuss like a trucker,
slightly naive, but I'm no sucker.
I am a sinner with a halo of gold,
an open book with secrets untold.
I am a hypocrite but always play fair,
a bleeding heart and I don't care.
I am a mother who acts like a child,
crazy, impatient and easily riled.
I am spontaneous and I am a bore,
forever forgiving, I still keep score.
I am unstable and wonderfully wise,
a ****** deviant in sweet disguise.
I am creative and self-destructive
naturally skilled and unproductive.
I am shy and I am outspoken
with a heart of stone, easily broken.
I am awkward and well refined,
lost, insightful and a little love-blind.
I am respected and I am addicted
shamed by burdens, self inflicted.
I am a perfectionist and I am a slob,
unbiased and shallow, an inept snob.
I am nocturnal, a creature of night,
blissfully ignorant, typically right.
I am cautious and I have no fear,
a loser and quitter, still I persevere.
I am brilliant and easily amused,
over-zealous and under-enthused.
I am impervious with wounds to heal,
an occasional liar just keepin' it real.
I am weird and lovely and mean-
I am what I am.......100 Aileen.

You can sail the world in your plight,
but take a look around.
Here I am, standing at a crossroad.
My tresses blowing left, and right.

I can feel each cold breath slowly descending down my spine.
Along with it, words of righteousness.

A long and ever gazing tree, wise with the past and words of those who passed.
The trunk may be sturdy but the roots take hold in old soil.
The howling wind sends it shuddering, but my feet have learned to dance along to the tune.

Each cut, and each wound tell a story.
Maybe it's all too raw,
but I won't let any feet step all over their glory.

Like clay, I shape my psyche.
Molding my own version of reality.
Like holding on to a rocking boat,
each stalemate tries to topple me over.

As a spectator your eyes stare on,
but you are being fooled, and I can attest.
As I unfold, you can sense the plot change.
Don't look at me with unassuming eyes,
then play at holding on.

My existence is riddled with holes,
I chose to let them breathe.
Wishing only for the realization of my imperfections.
Not a mending of my shape.

I can sense you discard your own impurities,
and try to pick at mine.
A perfectionist's charade,
A naive acceptance.

We paint our intertwining stories,
and in turn forget the photographs of our reality.
A soulful mirage, all but false memories.

A warrior and a strong pillar of faith,
but your cause has left you blind.
I find you imprinting this impression on every moment you soak in.

My body is but a shell,
A porcelain covering of my own choosing.
On the inside the winds howl,
and I run free and wild.
Your upright silhouette may never sift into mine,
But don't blame my interchanging breeze.
As I have already drawn out the line.