Someone asked if I know you today

Which was odd

I said no

I only once knew you

story wrote in pen
can't be erased but can write
over write the past

Sometimes I go back to the past

I watch my twiggy legs shake, my hands grip my arms attempting to steady; to comfort

I watch myself form an invisible box around my body; a personal shield

While I begged for forgiveness that I didn’t need

My brain separated my consciousness from reality,

I said it all just like a story,
just like they had taught me



On my knees in front of your bed,
an altar for wrathful gods

I cried and I prayed for forgiveness that I didn’t need

I took all the blame, bared it like a cross
and carried it with me,

You gave me a title, a crown of thorns-
and watched me bleed  


And still while I bled, exposed on your cross,

You told me to beg harder, for the innocence I had lost

So I begged for forgiveness that I didn’t need


while he watched under the shade of your palm trees-

I'm wonerding endlessly
Across a field of my past
My mind out of time and energy
Losing what was to last
Openly accepting my penalty
So here I was cast
To lose my every memory

I blink my watery eyes open.
It’s freezing cold — needles piercing through my skin.
I see her smile, wrinkles adoring her face;
She takes my hand and tilts my chin.

We had home and I feel unspoken.
The lights, like sprinkles, shine in my eyes
I think I am in my birthplace, my dream space,
There are people around; they do not disguise.

They are my people and we are not broken.
I start to cry looking at the snow —
This isn’t true. It was once a real place
But now it’s just a constant dream; a sideshow.

Hovering a black cloak
over you,
wearing a smile so
strained;—
That could make one
be lost
in the deep mist,
you wait in
silence.
In the depths
of your complex codes
lies the
unsolved mysteries and
the truths of
my past.
My worn eyes
can't reach you till
your name is recalled
from my lips stitched
together with
thick wires.
Will you
ever reveal
yourself?