In the dark, I am no longer taken,
No more pursued by those judging gazes.
Absent from this world I stay, forsaken,
But existing - hiding from dead faces.

In the dark I am suspended, frozen
Forever in this world which feigns to care;
Time has been lost, the days and weeks broken.
I stand still, decaying into nowhere.

In the dark, I waken to the calling
Of one too many thoughts pulling me down.
This place of solitude - it means nothing,
Not when tomorrow's the day I will drown.

In the dark, I can hide for no longer,
Those dark thoughts grow forever stronger.

Nervous
Nervous
Nervous
Nervous
My nerves have failed me yet again.

Twitching
Twitching
Twitching
Twitching
My senses are overwhelmed again.

Shaking
Shaking
Shaking
Shaking
My body can’t handle what it’s taking

Hurting
Hurting
Hurting
Hurting
My diaphragm is twisting and turning.




                     I’m scared.

Obsessively thinking, about thinking
I'm thinking the thoughts in my head, were placed there.
Something is wrong with the part of my brain that does the linking.
The seams that were made when my last therapist took out my brain, are starting to tear.

I'm lost in the flow of my words. Planted words.
Am I losing my mind? I can't lose it a second time.
The verbs I produced, destroy me, with slicing, and dicing.
And the rhyming, has turned into pantomime.

What were the words I spoke minutes ago?
Have they even taken my memory?
A part of me doesn't want to know.
But this is different, this is treachery.

Stolen thoughts, stolen memories, stolen words.
Am I the "crazy" that everyone imagines?
My mind keeps getting split, halves, now thirds.
I think the diagnois matches.

I guess I was meant to be crazy.

is there anything worse than losing yourself
i can think of many things stuck on the shelf
must be something else that slipped my mind
perhaps a feeling that someone left behind
i can't just pretend that it isn't there
i cannot see it so i shouldn't care
that sounds fair but i keep having nightmares
then it hit me, it was always right there
paranoid nostalgia just thinking about ya
now my voice is louder but it doesn't have the power
the power to lead me away from my misery

I guess it is a relief to see you
Again, my old friend. Cloaked, your head of blue,
You wander among the graves like fireflies,
Absolute darkness, jittering night skies.  
It never seems to fail to startle my
Child-like sensation of life passing by.
Orderly rows, rigid cartridge paper,
Ink and tax reports, functions to cater.
Misanthropic, naïve, idealistic
Degenerative and narcissistic,
Paranoid, poisonous, parasitic
Fear giver. Fear receiver. Entropic
Skeleton, dancing in caustic acid,
Looking on. A quiet, forlorn Aphid.

privacy is really a thing of history
nowadays it's all up there like a gallery
even when i'm alone there's always eyes
it's exhausting putting on such a disguise
when the lights are off and blinds are closed
it would be fine to be blind i suppose
glancing at my back like there's a ghost
staring at every single tweet i post
no such thing as being invisible
still just a student dodging the principal
some of you might say i'm just paranoid
nah i'm just worried about my word choice
twisted voices can make terrible noises
life is a bumpy ride and i'm getting nauseous

I’m starting to think I shouldn’t be left alone. My thoughts drip too deep to the blackness below. Am I really alive or just existing? My view is consistently, painfully twisting. Late at night too anxious to sleep, unwelcoming images start to creep.