I love the thought of being with him. On paper he’s perfect.He sticks in my thoughts from time to time. I imagine romantic outings and humble cuddles. He’s shy and his smile brightens up my day. I find myself hoping it’s him when ever my phone rings. But I can’t help but feel that maybe I don’t like him but rather the thought of not being so alone. When your whole friend group is in love you become oddly aware of how alone you are.
Words drift slowly falling like snowflakes in my mind. Covering my midscape with fluffy flakes of diction. Words of hate and love spasticly fluttering to the ground. Snow is beautiful, white, and pristine. Some words are too but, others are heavy, dark, and cruel. Those are like blizzards plummeting in mass amounts sending my mind into a snow globe of chaos. The thing I struggle with remembering is that snow globes settle. So maybe if I can just get through this week where constant paranoia is coming down like hail. Things will be better. Or at least I hope.
Honestly I miss you I wish I didn’t I wish I could hate you But you were so perfect for me I’m not even sure what went wrong Were you afraid? Afraid of losing me Because my lungs did heal I’m no longer critical Were you guilty? Haunted by mistakes I had already forgiven Because you hurt me but I still loved you You said I deserved someone better That’s sweet hon but I didn’t want someone better I wanted you to stop distancing yourself from me I wanted you period I loved you And you told me you loved me Or was that a lie too?