I pulled myself strongly from keep thinking of her!
I dragged the thought from reaching my brain to give that note that i missed her badly!
I locked my crying papers inside that drawer, so they won't be engraved happily on those lines talking how she is in every corner of my day!
I sent all those feelings and thought to the land of Doubt, to confuse them from being true about their existence!
I've victimized all my belonging, so I won't let her know how do i see her in my world!
I've concealed my vibes throughout the day, to let the mind take cover my heart!
                                                      But!!!....­.I failed!!!!
I failed not to tell myself, I am in love with her!
I failed not to write for her!
I failed not to free my memories from her!
                                                     And.... I am Still...
                                                        ­   Failing!

I will  lay down my pen for the sake of "Love"!
I will let my papers long for that Ink... for that dance with my words!
I will take that pain to keep the pain away for those i care for!

Silly.....Crazy....Manic!

Better than a hurt or a pain that i won't live with....
Better than a label that... will...

Let you down!

Everyone is quiet,
Papers rustle,
The slow speed fan
Creaks above our heads,
The air conditioning
Is broken,
We start to sweat
From sunlight coming in
Through the tintless windows.
Exhausted,
We sit in silence,
Unwilling to share
Information.
Miserable in this heat,
Someone drops their pen.
As he picks it up
The room sighs,
Almost as if in relief
That he retrieved it,
While no one else moves.
It's far too hot for that.
The table smells like mothballs,
And the people around me
Smell like sweat,
Perfume and cologne.
You can smell the coffee
Oozing from their pores.
Bloodshot eyes,
Aching backs,
And all-consuming stress.
I'm in class.

I remember leaving
I'll not forget the in between
There's nothing in the world
Can erase the things I've seen

But, today I got my papers
got a call upon my phone
My duty now is over
and I am coming home

I've missed a lot
since I've been gone
I've never seen my son
I've never held him in my arms
I missed seeing him turn one

coming home my time is over
coming home my time is through
coming home to be a father
and a husband dear, to you
coming home a tired soldier
coming home but, not the same
coming home to be a person
I'm not a rank and a last name


I missed his second birthday too
But, I won't miss any more
I wasn't there when he turned three years old
But, I'll be there when he turns four

Things have changed
Things will be new
I know this will be tough
I can only promise that I'll try
And hope that  it will be enough

I've thought about you every day
You're in my heart and soul
I'm coming home to you my love
And then together, we'll be whole

coming home my time is over
coming home my time is through
coming home to be a father
and a husband dear, to you
coming home a tired soldier
coming home but, not the same
coming home to be a person
I'm not a rank and a last name

How would you describe to your child
the difference of papers and pages
That one is used for numbers
and one is for letters

Give her a book instead

Let her open these pages, these papers
Let her discover that they are similar
and different in both ways

You use the other one for your eyes
and the other one for your hands

Let her feel every page
Let her see every paper
But let her see every page
and feel every paper

Let her wonder with curiosity
that she'd like to get more books
just to know their similarities and differences
Let these be her defenses
from boys who walk up to her

Let her know there are similarities and differences
to a boy and a man

That you use one for your eyes
and one for your hands
how you look for a boy
and touch a man
How you get swerved by his looks
and how you get moved by his actions
How one uses you for his own eyes
just to look at everyday
for display
for everybody to see that he got this kind of girl
with the sun in her eyes and moon in her mouth

And how one not uses you
but walks with you
and treats you like you're no ordinary girl
cause you're a woman
with flowers in her hair that grow overnight
and roads on her feet that take you everywhere

Remember these things

And let her feel every man
and see every boy
but let her see every man
and feel every boy

Remember all these things
there are similarities and differences

How one gives you numbers
to spend on material things
but never makes you happy

And how one gives you letters
combined to form words
He'll give them out to you
handed out with gift wrap on it

And how these numbers
provide needs for your body
and how these letters
give out needs for your soul

Remember these things

Like how I'm writing this out
with pages and papers
but this wouldn't have been done
without the pen above
and hands that wrote
these numbers of letters

So, honey
you may not need pages or papers
but you'll need a tongue and a soul
to speak this out to your child
who's still confused of how
pages and papers
come with similarities and differences
and soon she'll grow up
and know that even you, yourself
don't know how it came to be like this

So, you'll pick up a book
you'll feel its pages and papers
you'll see its papers and pages

with a pen in your hand

we are just two pieces of paper with etched ink and separately between pages

Gentle place my head rest to lay
Discontinued old plastic minerals
On this bed today
Hand me the auxcord
No longer looking at things like an old sadness

Are we junk?  Waste,
Shard and smear,
Empty symbol made by
“Doled out Poet’s papers,
Hoarded like sweets?”

Our awkward secrets
stumble
cislunar.

dear teacher,
it's true I could've been studying all night for this test. however, is it not the reason that we are taking this so that we can form a future for ourselves? well yesterday I decided I wasn't going to live in the future, I wasn't going to live in the past, I was going to live in the present. fighting dragons in the woods that turned out just to be low lying branches like when I was a kid, and accepting awards for amazing performances in the shower like I was an adult. from my research, I've concluded that there is no present because the present is made from the stitches of the past and the prospects of the future, yet at the same time none of that.
so, no, I didn't study all night for your test. fighting dragons and accepting awards seems like a better use of my time anyways.

Too smart for tricks ,
but the missing papers from this book
were meant to be unread.

The truth shall set you free,
but in lies we live happily.
so smile in paradox,
or cry in veracity.