It's hard to believe that that didn't even exist in the first place.
It's harder to deceive oneself of the reality that that was it all along.

I'm gonna go back five years,
And color in all the moments I've had with you,
In every shade of the rainbow,
Make it feel like forever.

Akala koy ako lang
pero ako pala yung kaibigan lang
yung akala koy ako ang dahilan sa bawat tawa mo
pero ang totoo ay siya pala yung nagpapatawa sayo
Yung mga masasayang pagkakataon
na naging alaala na nabaon mo sa limot
na Akala koy minahal mo ng totoo
pero puso koy pinaglaruan mo
Akala koy totoo ang lahat ng pinakita mo
pero ginamit mo lang pala ako
Yung akala koy mag-isa lang ako
Pero di ko alam na may kakambal ako
Puso koy lumundag nang masilayan ka
pero ang pagsilay mo ang pagbulag sa mga mata ko
Nagbubulag-bulagan sa mga katotohanan
Katotohanang di ko gustong paniniwalaan
Yung Ikaw at Siya ay naging KAYO
akala ko Ikaw at ako para magiging tayo
Pero bakit Naging K yung T?
Yung akala koy ako ang kasama mo sa mga pangarap mo
Kasama nga ako pero bilang taga hanga mo
Akala koy ako ang hahawakan ng iyong mga kamay habang naglalakad patungong altar
ngunit.....
Yung nasa likod ko pala ang yung hahawakan mo
at isa lamang akong bisita sa kasal ninyo.
at sa kahuli hulihang tingin mo sakin nabasa ko saiyong mga bibig ang mga katagang na
"Salamat dahil tinulongan mo ako,iingatan ko siya at pangako di ko sasaktan yung bestfriend mo"

you were as bright as a daisy
and I was as sad as a lilac
forever we were
never meant to be
not even in a garden
or reality.

get your hand out of my heart.



didnt they tell you not to play with your food

We were silently sitting
In such a busy afternoon.
The silence, it was hitting me.
I never knew what would come too soon.
What happened, my only boy best friend?
The knowledge between us,
It will never be the same.
My blind eyes and blind heart,
I just loved only one.
Best friends are who we are.
We cannot take it far.
The difference of his and yours,
I cannot even see. I’m blind.
You were like twins,
But I was the reason why.
Why me? Why me? Why me??
Why, my loving dear friend?
Why me? Why me? Why me?
Nothing could have been happening,
Yet I’ve been worrying.
I’ve hurt you all this time.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
I never went deeper and loved.
I loved the knowledge of us…
Being just friends.
Too bad, I loved you too,
I adored you, my friend.
And even wondered if…
You would love me back.
Even wondered if you know.
Even if you wanted to know.
But you don’t.... You don’t.
Cause I loved spending my time…
With you cause you always been there.
But, you don’t know.
If you see this, you might cry.
Please, leave you emotions
Like how your tears will dry.
Hoping you’ll forget me.
I don’t deserve your love.
I left and I left this love untold.
Cause what would you feel?
Cause, I confess that…
I cannot accept this truth. Just can’t.
My words are like knives.
I sharpen them whenever I don’t know.
I threw them blindly to the air...
Not knowing where it would hit.
Until, blood came out of your heart.
This is a game of love
Where only one prince and princess win...
Or nobody gets the crown.
And for you to win,
Just rise and love someone else back.
I’ll be happy even if my heart splits in two.
It all comes back. It really does.
“I loved the knowledge of being just friends...”
Love me but I shouldn’t love you back.
I’m sorry. I love you too,
But, I just can’t.
I’m sorry…

I wonder do you feel my gaze?
Do you notice my presence when I'm near? Do you even notice that I'm there?
I feel that you do
but I feel like you're scared
of what I'm not sure
maybe there's some history there
Maybe I can calm your soul with some soothing words
some passing gestures
little fancies that can grab your attention towards my advances
You're scared
I'm scared
It's a continuous cycle of cat and mouse and I'm not sure if I'll ever catch you

Hey, would you like to know a secret?

It slits and stings and scorches the tip of my tongue
A scalpel painted with a sickening slice of hope
Of I know you used to
And I said I used to
But I meant I still do

My heart— no head still throbs
Thuds like the tapping of your fingers against the table

Your fingers
Light and floating and still too far
Flying too fast

My head
Heavy and sinking and still too close, to me
Still too close, to you
Still too close, to every synonym of unecessary
Still, too close, to my heart

Do you want to hear my secret?

My head throbs because of you,
No, not because of you, because of me
Because of confusion as to why
My mind is able to solve math equations that I hate
If I try hard enough

But for some reason my mind can't solve the question
Of why it keeps flitting back to you
Even if I try to will it away
And always to you
I have a million other things to do
And somehow you're always still the first priority

My head throbs because it doesn't understand
Because I don't understand
How is it then when you're vulnerable
And ask an "are you free to talk?"
The truth is no
I'm really not
Yet yes is the only word running through my head

Somehow
You always come first
I find that strange considering how the most you've ever thought about me is probably the second best thing

Here is my secret

I am sick of this
I am sick of you
But somehow your laughter is the antidote
It is the vaccine
The dosage I get daily

But eventually
It starts being less effective
Because I hear
Her laughter
In yours

And the more I get to know you
I feel like I'm just getting to know her
You say the same phrases
And so many things that you do
Are just so her
She's so thoroughly embedded into everything you do
It's almost impossible to separate the two of you

And I am sick
Of this
And I am sick
Of you

And how you say you used to
And how I say I used to
And how I still mean
I still do