Depression

My old friend

Oh my, oh my

Where have you been

You creep back into me

Ever so sneakily.

How i wish, we can make amends

After all this time spent

My old friend,

You cut me open

Then stitch me closed.

My tears flow and flow

Scars open

Bleeding out into the unknown.

Then,

Just like that

You shut me off.

Disassociated,

Now I am numb

To the bone.

My old friend,

It is either all or nothing with you.

Well I am sick

Of having to come up with reasons

Of why I am not feeling well.

I’m through with you.

Out, Out,

Gone be.

You are not me.

I will not be defined by the lies you shout and whisper to me.

My old friend, you will not take me with you

I have worked too hard,

Towards light,

To stay on my own path.

My mind has blossomed and my heart has been watered

You will not **** me dry.

Leave me, Leave me

Let me be.

-k.c

When the pain is still there
Slowly eating away my humanity
Words of comfort in my mind
Doesn't reflect the way I write

Numbing my heart
Hiding under my blanket
Forcing myself to write
Hoping to fix myself

They never tell you how much the cuts burn

The way it feels like cigarettes being put out on every slit you’ve created

Arms, wrists, shoulders, legs all raging in a blaze of boiling red

You think you would get used to the sensation, now that the cuts have become habit

But even through the numbness, it always creeps up, burning

I wanted to write you this piece
But thought that these words
would rob you of your peace

This paper would ran out of space
As it flows with emotional ink

Numb emotions hug me like a mother hugs her young child
These thoughts run wild
Like the tracks on a black queens head
Outside I smile but inside I’m dead
Feeding on false hope
That one day you will return back to me like an addict relapsing back to their deadly drug
Hoping you inhale my presence
And remember the love as you forget the mistakes

We walked on clouds just to fall asleep in loveless coffins

We've all imagined
Wedding dresses and vails
growing up
losing our pig-tails and overalls
trading them in for
beach waves and crop tops
only for the person in our
Reflection
to turn into a complete
s t r a n g e r

staring blank faced at a girl you can't recognize anymore
drawing imaginary lines on our bodies with our eyes
cutting away the imperfections with
our hands shaped as
scissors,

wishing
we could look like
the models in the magazines
or
the actresses on the tv screens
But, society tells us
we can Never be
Skinny
enough
Never be
Pretty
enough
That our features will
NEVER
be
Good
e n o u g h

Because the girl in the mirror who has lost all hope
can Never amount to
what we have been taught from the time we could
walk and talk
what beautiful is;

We went from carefree children
to teens who are
depressed and anxious
all the time
most of us addicted to Nicotine and Alcohol
our parents tell us to smile and quit with the attitudes
but behind closed doors we criticize ourselves
enough

The little girl in her pigtails
playing with everyone on the playground
so innocent
so pure
get labeled as a racist
in the 6th grade because her skin is white

By the time she enters high school
she knows better than to state an opinion,
the teachers know Best,
never stand up to a man,
he's superior to you,
even when behind the closed doors
he touches you when you say STOP
but you know better than to say something
cause you had to have wanted it,
take it as a compliment,
it just means you're pretty

if you say anything you'll be labeled as a
W h o r e
if you keep quiet it's an invitation for
M o r e

people asking
"why do you flinch at a simple touch?"
how do you explain years of torment to a complete
s t r a n g e r,
you don't, you smile and act dumb

pretty is a vocabulary word to describe anyone
but the girl that is seen in the mirror
because she is
Not
Good
e n o u g h
and she knows that

she has lost friends cause she can't trust them

she changes her style monthly

trying sooo hard just to be
accepted
she doesn't remember
the little girl in pigtails,
she doesn't remember
what a real smile looks like,
the pain behind her eyes
c l o u d s
her reality
the voice in her head telling her
"you're eating too much"
"you're an idiot"
"you'll never amount to anything"
and she
s     l     o     w     l    y
fades away
til there is nothing left
to put back together
cause her mind and heart are
s c   a   t t e  r e     d
aimlessly
shes numb and she
thinks, this is what happiness feels like
no more pain
no more criticizing
No, more
pretending to be okay