I dreamt he sent
a care package
A shabby box
filled with
wall sconces
from his
******* apartment
half filled tablets
thoughts and doodles
with a note
to not abuse
substances
and a really nice
vinyl pressing of
some nineties
spoken word piece
with one or
another unknown
ska
alt rock
grunge
band
That sure was nice
of him
I must have
sent some good
psychic *****
Spirits
they call it

who would know
   burns so sweet
      stings like salt
         reach so deep
            head tipped back
        twisted little girl
who would know
   fingers curled tight
      red stains faded
         nails deeply embedded
            tooth shredded tongue
        broken little girl
who would know
    who would know
        do you know

i laid on the bed completely defeated
with tears in my eyes and a handprint that left my skin heated.
i said no, and i meant it.
but you begged, you just couldn't accept it.
after you ****** me and used me at your disposal
you turned away from me and the phone screen lit up your face
so i turned my back on you and cried into stained sheets.
i never looked at my body the same
after you branded my body with your all-too-common name.

Crawling in the streets, lacking confidence
Driving past the rusted street signs, dead-ends
Running from the law, without defense
Lost in a city blinded with dust and sin
A country haunted by broken promises

So why does my heart beat faster?
When do I rush past the guns shoved in our ribs?
Why does your intimidation weaken my knees?
Don't grab me by my hair in the town square
Just take my life away in a heartbeat, I can't take it

I can hear my heart, balancing a fine line
Between courage and trust, all faith in Allah
You taught me how to fight a war like a general
With the world, as I fought with my adolescent self
It's a balancing act that most ******* funambulists fail

With ****** in my veins, I killed myself twice
A million ways you could've brought vindication
And saved us from violation and intimidation
Sheltered us from lunacy, terrorism, and vice
All we have is broken promises and crime around me