Long drives, chai and that heavy metal song

Days may have been shorter but those nights always felt long

Wonder why these little things

Pinch every moment I live today

With every breath chasing answers

Every prayer cajoling you to still stay

Every day, since you left, feels unreal,

something I refuse to always believe

It shocks me how my mind sets those dark deals

Contemplating your choice to instantly leave

Nights are sleepless, as days pass by

Yet nothing remains other than the regret of those past lies

My heart sinks recalling every memory we shared

Can't even describe how living this life has never made me this scared.

The world without you was still as normal as before

But in my head, it all felt as if I sank just a tad bit more

As I stepped out of those four walls into reality

I left a piece of my broken self among those closed doors

Voices are silenced and memories have faded like sawdust in the air

You've gone to stars, as my fingers tremble to see you there.

That urge to strongly get out of here

never thought it would make me fear

Every word I said repeats constantly inside

As regret fills me up and my will to live dies

Was sort of pain already never enough

You had to teach me this lesson as you rest in the heavens above

Wish I could show you what it felt like

to feel what you've made me feel in this very time

Tarnishing my ability to internally heal

Feeling like I was worth less than a dime

Crying, sobbing, reminiscing isn't abnormal in these stages

Grief is so wholesome, it fades but never ages

Wounds feel as fresh as new as they hit my heart

Rewind is so addictive, can't begin to restart

Dark nights or sunny days

Stormy sights alongside a summery haze

Nothing matches up to such harsh goodbyes

Except me asking a thousand whys

Eventually, I know we'll all find something new to taste,

a new perspective that'll never go to waste,

yet welcoming this novel self that I become,

closes a portion of me that's so tight and numb

Every morning I ask God a million questions

About what may have possibly gone wrong

Agonising this personal invasion

And feeling as if nowhere is where I truly belong

With no answers but teary eyes,

that forcefully shut through these terrible mental bytes,

of familiarity that sticks to you being around,

my new normal is so unbearably drowned

I've been walking on this

never-ending highway to a living human hell,

With a drop of inevitable trauma and

the feeling of frozen body cells

There's a space that remains empty

That possibly can't be refilled

I hope you forgive me gently

As closure defeats the intuitive guilt

The human body has been known to forget

To restart, refresh, retake and reset

But no film matches to the ****** of this one

You were so much more than what can't now be undone

I'm obviously progressing through the present as it may seem,

but that night, that decision, that action still is as if it were a dream,

when the trauma shall surpass, the memories appear,

never had the thought of losing you this year

You're the memory I'll never forget,

those days we spent can't be over just yet,

truth is you ain't here anymore,

you've left too soon and will be missed to the core

MONEY

"Money in one's
life is motivation,
the lack of it
causes life
dispersion.
"
#c9_fm

Someday,

Someone’s going to laugh on how you lose your spectacles while you’re actually wearing them
Someone’s going to be interested on how you enjoy your food, or work, or sleep
Someone’s going to understand your current feeling just from the way you exhale
Someone’s going to adore on how you hold the frustration when your thoughts were misplaced that day
Someone’s going to tie your knots and complete the constellation of your puzzled mind
Someone’s going to bite her lips, seeing your face lights up when you’re talking about sports
Someone’s going to be in awe of your soul — an infinite library that she craves to peruse forever
Someone’s going to ask you about the mountains you want to conquer, and the battle you would survive after setting only barefooted
Someone’s going to listen to your rant about the regrets that slithered under your skin, ****** the bloodstream, and took you over
Someone’s going to fall in love with your human parts — the depth of you, and every photon that shines in between your broken limbs.

Someday, someone will come. Just have trust religiously.

So much to say
Yet I can’t find the words

Or the will

Sometimes people survive only to flourish....

Instead of being activated
by what you hated
you got isolated,
so you wouldn't be triggered.

There were photos of
human agony on foreign streets,
bombed out buildings,
bleeding children,
and parents weeping.

Instead of getting outraged
by what you saw,
you went to your safe space,
so you wouldn't have to face
any troubling thoughts at all.

People softened the discourse,
slightly dulling the edge of the sword
they use to cut the safety cord
we call human rights.

The bad things kept happening
while you were napping comfortably.

You should have been
an exposed wire
sparking an arc of heart fires.
Instead of highlighting
that which was frightening
you went into hiding.

While those who were fighting
didn't get the option
to ignore the horror.

Busted up and ******,
tear gassed buddies bruised
while you used that excuse
of not wanting to deal with bad news
cause you might get triggered.

The world is on fire so,
melt that snowflake heart sister
and brother
we've got no time to waste
in helping each other;

Look and see these tragedies
and get motivated;
Rise up in outrage,
get ******* triggered,
and get to work son.

Cause anger gets **** done!!

I am no millionaire
Nor the type to care
Like everyone else
I brush my teeth and comb my hair
While staring at my figure in the mirror
I claim myself a winner.

I am no millionaire
But I wish I am
I act like one and think like one
One with a millionaire’s thoughts and ways of thinking
One with a millionaire’s best attitude

Should the former come along with the latter
Then you make yourself a millionaire
What is the point of becoming a millionaire in wealth
When you are just poor at self-conduct and mindset

Manner maketh man
That is what I tell myself everyday
That is how I become who I am today
Cause I am no millionaire nor the type to care
Because I am a winner with a millionaire demeanour.

Through life's toughest moment's, fantasy characters show more strength and durability than many of the people who watch and strive to be like them.
Now that's not a bad thing, in-fact it's an incredible thing to do. To better yourself to become better. But lot's of people lose motivation to keep pushing themselves. Something that the Channel Unnus Annus taught me, was that you only have a limited time to live and that death happens sooner than later.
So why must we strive to become something that we idol?
Why must people break down who they are and mold them into something that they see all the time.
Why waste the time changing who you are entirely and make yourself into some sort of Hero or perfect citizen when in the end most people will give up and end up in a worse situation (either mentally or physically) than they were before trying to be some-one else?
Don't live trying to be like someone else. I'm not saying to simply stop idolizing people or trying to be similar to them.
In-fact, what I'm saying is,
Try to be something better than what you are now, try to live like your next day is another day isn't your last, but instead, another day to learn from those idol's.
Push yourself to become better than those idol's, push yourself to become the person that YOU want to be, not a person that already exists in the mind of one other person (the creator).
Cause in the end, if you try to be just like your idol, you'll either achieve this and become someone different entirely, or you'll end up worse off than you were originally.
Many people don't know where to start, and everybody will have a different answer as to where. "Start on what you hate, work on your emotions, or start on your body". But to people who are lost in their journey, this won't always help, in-fact, it can push them further back past where they started. That person must discover their own path, their own journey.
All that matters, is that you're at the very least starting
With a simple step.