On a cold Saturday, he smiles at me in the middle of our conversation and says: "Remember how different we each were two years ago? We've come such a long way."
I smile at him and reply: "My God, we really have."


Four years later
and this conversation still replays in my head
I think my subconscious
was hoping that replaying it
would eventually make my conscious understand

... Would eventually make me understand

How did we come a long way?

How did we get this far?

We were walking in opposite directions.

You tell her you love her
she says "I know I can see it in your eyes"
you look into hers and beneath the aqua blue
you can see she loves you too.

But she won't say it. She just turns her head and bites her lip.
She's not supposed to say it.
Willpower is something I strip off nonchalantly baring my naked soul
she zips hers up and holds it tight, she's not ready to be free

You share a visible yet impassable love
a beautiful gift kept tied in a bow, never for the world to open
Two stars floating in the universe meant to collide
yet always passing each other by
Chemically balanced, but time is never on your side

The sparks fly spitting out flames
but never catching fire
All that remains is a shorted circuit
because she never could be free.

Caught in my own thoughts

Lost in this brutal silence

I feel these sharp words, cut through my heart

Walking around these loud streets,
Feels like walking around a dark forest,
Or perhaps a heart drowning in a pond filled with mud

I am looking for something,
Searching for something,
Something that is not easily found,
Something that is not easily described,
Something that is not easily put in words,
Something that is felt,
Something that is said by many,
But meant by few

Sometimes it feels like nothing ever happened
between the two of us
No trace left all of it erased
We've been expelled
Our love has passed away
I'll be alright, I feel fine
And there are days, days that I forget

But then you sneak back in
Always when I least expect
Is it an illusion or are you there?
Looking at me, smiling back
You keep your hold on me
Will I ever lose you?

In the city walking 'round
Remembering us
Remembering how we laughed
Remembering how we loved
But then it hits me, it has passed
I have to hide from the rest
Never will I be myself again
Never will I be yours again

Even though we've never met
You are the one I won't forget
And though my future turned to grey
I'll be fine, I must remain
Your rock, your mountain
Your life campaign

Times change
People leave
But you and me
We are meant to be

Promise me forever
I'll give you my all
I'll never stop loving you
Just don't break my heart

"Am I crazy or falling in love,
Is it real or just another crush?"

I've never felt this way before
The nervous feeling I get when I talk to you
I cant help but smile though
When I'm with you I just feel so

Why did I fall so hard
I didnt see it coming
Developed the feelings and I started running
I tried to put up a fight
I lost every time, but I held on tight

I'm just sitting here, being helpless
Tossing and turning at night, feeling so restless
Thinking that if you only knew how much I cared about you
Would it make a difference or would I lose?

No matter what I'll always be here, it's true
In rain or shine just call me, because I care about you
Never mind the feelings and the empty promises,
I'll give my heart and I got your back, it's common sense

Never have I loved anyone as selfless as I loved you
But I know it isn't meant to be no matter what I do
So I'll just sit here and wait for my feelings to be gone
And be the willing friend you need and you can call on.

Listening to a song when I close my eyes and my mind travels to another world
Where your hands are around my waste and we are moving with the music
My head is on your chest and you are whispering my name into my ear
Your hand is in mine like its supposed to be and I am hours like I'm supposed to be
But then I open my eyes, take a breath, and try to forget we were almost meant to be
{bcg}

Today I found out not every encounter counts.
It is merely made up of  accidental meets.

We beautify it so that it becomes legendary,
As if life itself isn't.

Is it me or everybody that are too obsessed with
So called meant to be?

Encounter only counts if it is to be told,
For decades, for century.