Maybe a month ago.
I would have thought about you.
& hoped all was well.
Well enough for me.
To be able to check in.
To a small motel.
That you hold close to your heart.
Which resides on the outskirts of your sleeve.
I mean after all.
We both know I can be classified as one.
An outsider that is.
Because its been much longer than a month.
Since I've been a nearby presence.
Or even a neighboring smile.
But more of a far-off memory.
That has been followed by absence.
& if it's anything like they say.
Absence somehow has a way.
Of making the heart grow fonder.
But that was a month ago.
..& my maybe was hypothetical.

Maybe yesterday.
I would have thought about you.
& found myself.
On the verge of saying hello.
Asking if everything was everything.
From school being school.
But it's something you love.
From your family being your family.
& they are everything you live for.
From work being work.
With it being something to just get you by.
Leaving love to be love.
Where you aren't looking.
But if it were to happen.
You wouldn't mind.
& I wouldn't mind that for you.
Because after everything.
That you've dealt with because of me.
& vice versa.
We both deserve that one day.
Just not from each other.
But that was yesterday.
..& my maybe was hypothetical.

Maybe tomorrow.
I will think about you.
& pray you think enough about me.
To send me a quick text.
Or a small email.
Where you tell me.
All the things.
I've thought of telling you.
Where you ask.
All the questions.
I find myself being to hesitate.
To ask you.
But there is nothing hesitate about you.
Your words are simple.
Your tone seems to be complex.
& I find that you are asking me a favor.
That I know I will have to commit.
No response.
No reaching out.
Just giving you time.
To think for yourself.
& find all the pieces that have become ajar.
But that is tomorrow.
..& my maybe is hypothetical.

Maybe a few years from now.
I will think about you.
& time will have healed.
Just like.
All the voices I hear around me.
Said it would.
& from there.
I can meet you for coffee.
Or maybe even tea.
Where we can show each other pictures.
Of the babies we went half on.
Without you or I.
Being the other half we thought we'd be.
You named your boy Hayden.
While I named my girl Riley.
Knowing those were the names.
We picked for ours.
But we aren't bothered.
Because we are happy.
We are loved.
We are where we are meant to be.
But that is a few years from now.
..& my maybe is hypothetical.

Maybe a month ago, I would’ve hoped.
Maybe yesterday, I would’ve said hello.
Maybe tomorrow, I will pray.
Maybe a few years from now, I will heal.
But today is today.
& you are under the same roof as me.
About thirty feet away.
Where you know I'm here as well.
So you wait until I'm watching.
To smile & laugh.
Make jokes & take phone calls.
& pretend you are just amazing.
Now that I'm not there.
Which makes me show no emotion.
Tell everyone I don't care.
Because if I say it long enough.
I'm bound to eventually believe it.
But what I do believe.
Is that today is a vicious cycle.
With no maybes.
..& nothing about it is hypothetical.

Sometimes,
Most of the time,
I am convinced
That you have
No idea,
No concept,
No glimmer of comprehension,
Of how much I love you.

But how could you?

No words could ever describe it;
No actions could ever demonstrate it;
No musical notes could ever sound as sweet;
No sunsets could ever appear as beautiful.

Yet, every day,
My mouth will speak;
My body will act;
My throat will sing;
My soul will paint the sky.

And Maybe,
Someday,
You will know.

you’re not the only one that matters

And maybe im saying this because people have constantly reminded me the same thing. And maybe I want someone to feel the same way as I felt. Maybe I wasn’t that kind. Maybe I wanted to see someone suffer just because I got hurt, and yes, I am that kind of person. Maybe I kept it in the back of my head and it kept messing with me. It comes back again and again and again.

"We met at the wrong time, that's what I keep telling myself anyway."

Maybe we did meet at the wrong time.
Maybe we are not meant for each other.
Maybe someone else will come along.
Maybe you will meet someone else.
Maybe it was one time for a good time.
Maybe we will meet again someday.
Maybe when that comes, you will be mine.
Maybe when that comes, I will be yours.
Maybe then, we're both right for each other.
But maybe this time it's you, it's me, but not us.

Maybe there's a reason we fell apart,
Maybe we were meant to separate,
Maybe now isn't a good time for us,
But that's okay because I can wait.

Maybe we won't get together again,
Maybe you don't belong with me,
It's fine if you end up with someone else,
As long as it's what makes you happy.

Maybe we'll both find something better,
Maybe we will move on and forget goodbye,
But if one day you find yourself lonely,
Maybe we can give it another try.

Maybe the way the curve of your spine fits into me is an indication
of how the earth meets the sea.
Frothing, frigid and free

Maybe the way our lips convene is an illustration
of a star being born
Colliding, rising, expanding
With every breath we whisper to each other
the wind caresses the mountains in such delicate manners

Maybe the way our eyes meet
searching for a long lost landmark
{Home at last,
or at least until tomorrow}
reveal the discovery of deeper mysteries
Cold, comforting, coalescent

Maybe the simplest brush of skin
brings earthquakes to our veins
Seeped with unspoken words
warmth and peril rolled in one

Maybe, just maybe, the first ****** between two lovers
is the modern tsunami,
a flood of pleasure, teeming with emotions and laughter

The rain that lulls us to sleep
is the same as the water that cascades down cracks and cliffs
Racing to meet her soulmate,
Salt water
Fresh water
Two hearts beat in solidarity
Melting one into the other
Tongue on tongue
Fingertip to fingertip

Maybe the way we started is the way we end,
with nothing but empty space and deafening silence.