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PERTINAX Dec 2024
Infinity stares back from the dark recess of obscurity
The eye that I see staring in the mirror
A faded juxtaposition reversing my faded reflection
So that I might see the me everyone else sees

Aghast at my ghastly facade
Hands trembling at the realization that this was a hallucination
And reality was just a blink away
The slow drip from the nasal cavity nauseated me
Brown bile seeped from my lips
Dribbling down my chin as two snakes tangled
Slowly suffocating me as they began constricting
Causing blood vessels in my eyes to pop from the pressure

Floating black dots consumed my sight
Tarantulas creeped and crawled upon my skin
Fine hairs tickling the tip of my nose
As it began to melt under each curved claw
Dripping in time with the sickening drops
As I gasped for air in a panicked frenzy
Vigorously washing with water in a vain attempt
To rest reality back from the grips of delusion

This time the mirror stared back
Silence... Utter silence... Then sorrow...
Crimson tears streaked down my face at the realization
That I had somehow become lost along the way of life
I had lost the I in me, deluded to the point I blinded myself to see
Anything to attempt to cover up the pain
Of being less than that man in the mirror I see
Knowing his heart has a limitless potential
That I have caused to clot in hard callouses
Self sabotaging any hope I have to get away from it all
And achieve anything of worth

I scream at myself
Wavering between laughing and sobbing
The glass shatters

There I am in pieces
Each shard a mime of a different time
Razor sharp portals

To who I was
And the fear and loathing
That led me to where I am
Jack Harrell Oct 2024
If I'm an emotional train wreck,
would you be a first responder?

If I die and lay in rest,
would you love me any longer?

I question myself constantly
wondering what I could become.
Should I be more than this,
or finally will I say that I'm done.

I want to quit
I want to stop

But I can't

I have a debt to pay
and a price that will not drop

So I'll keep at it
Until someone want me shot, dead
someone other than me.
I seem to be the only who can see beyond the ******* and lies that I tell
to myself
Every day

You can do it.
Just keep going.
You got this

So like I said,

I'm an emotional train wreck,
but are you my first responder?
i liek trains
midnight blue Oct 2024
Haunting me every second
Holding me captive every minute
Caging me every hour
If only I could control my thoughts

Criticizing me every second
Scolding me every minute
Hating me every hour
If only I can minimize my thoughts

Overthinking every second
Keeping me awake every minute
Replaying my mistakes every hour
If only I can shut off my thoughts
I was inspired to write this poem by another poem from a book I read called “Every Last Word” but I wrote about overthinking and negative thinking. Something that I feel like never ends sometimes.
scrawny Jul 2024
Every time I look at myself I see a woman painted by others opinion. An opinion that distorts the perception of the very canvas I call my own. An opinion that's akin to a bed of milkweeds, each criticism acts like a striped caterpillar, eating away the greens to their hearts content until left a fragile stem of self worth, exposed to the harsh environments I call insecurity.
But as the narrator of my own, I will strive and overturn these insecurities into resilience, and turn these caterpillars into my very own Monarch Butterflies.
Found these in my notes... Translated for Miss A.C
Jeremy Betts Dec 2023
My rough past, a lonely gravel path that directed me here
One riddled with loathing and fear from myself and every peer
It all pales in comparison to each and every fallen tear
Added to the unforgiving shame of having tried to check out that one year
It's this reign of pain that stops me in my tracks like headlights freezing a deer
It's clear I don't know how to steer and can not get out of first gear
My entire windshield is a rearview mirror, the next tragedy always closer than they appear
My over corrections and over reactions are too severe, they're starting to break down the veneer
Put in place to simulate normalcy and hide the real me but I'm a horrible engineer
The intentions were sincere but this cavalier attitude never allowed the good in me to adhere
I've given in to my dark passenger allowing it to commandeer the space between each ear
At the time I thought it'd be far messier if I tried too interfere with the puppeteer
So I grabbed a few memories as a souvenir and tried to disappear

©2023
KHY Oct 2023
The peace inside me is cracking blue

the hatred of men and the loathing of women
***** lonely tombstones from coast to coast

and I can't help but think
our violets are rotting at the root
Hussein Dekmak Aug 2023
Listening to your silence, I heard:
Songs and prayers
Tranquility and music
Tears and smiles
Laughters and cries
Despair and hope
Sorrows and joys
Loathing and longing
Passion and peace
Whispers and loud voices

Hussein Dekmak
Marz Mar 2022
I hate you
I hate every single thing about you
I hate the way you talk to me
I hate the way you look at me
I hate how you think less of me
I hate how you think you're so much better than me, you're not
You're the first one to speak and the last to listen
You're pathetic
It's pathetic the way you complain about your problems but never do anything about it
It's pathetic how much of an emotional leach you are,
And you're so **** ******* annoying,
Can you do anything els but complain,
I hate how you know me so well yet somehow don't endestand me at all,
I just really really hate you and I know you hate me too
Ethan Titus Sep 2021
I loathe you
Even moreso, I loathe that I loathe you
Love is what you need, love from me
Why can't I give you that which you seek?
Just a little love would help you climb that peak
I know your heart is well-meaning
I know your past is behind you
I know those chains were broken and that little love-
That little bit of love would let you leave them behind.
So why is it that I can't love you?
Why do I have trouble forgiving you?
God forgave you as He forgives me
So why do I wish for you to suffer?
I look upon you every day and see your eyes filled with pain
Upon that fallen countenance, I gaze with great disdain
I see you're trying and I'm cheering
But even as I cheer, I know I hold you back
There's one final question I must ask of thee
I ask it every day, and I know I'll ask it again before you die...
...why must you be me?
Empty bags and candy wrappers
Left strewn about
From my last attempt
To fill this feeling
To suppress this anxiety
Only for it to fail
And give birth to a different sickness

The rage I feel when I look in the mirror
The body I was given
And all that I have done to it
I want it to be beautiful
But just can’t keep up with the work
So the burning grows inside
I’ve gotta let it out
And I want it to hurt

There’s no one else to blame
No other half
I’ve just one brain
There is no wicked tempter
Only chemically driven impulse
I only lose my temper on myself
I want to squeeze til there’s no pulse
I want to shatter my mirror
And use the broken pieces
To carve the body I wished to see
When the mirror was whole
28 lines, 240 days left.
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