Without a sound, lay awake
In a dark, cramped car,
Four thirty in a parking lot,
We hadn't got much sleep so far.

I watched the sky through the window
Turn into dark blue,
Heard someone say
The sun is rising.. So we all did too.

I walked on the sand
Toward lake Michigan.
I saw the waves smooth the edge
And I knew what you meant again.

As I saw them shatter
And I saw them fold,
I took a single step forward
And the water on my feet was cold.

To my left was a castle
Made of feathers and sand,
Where some happy souls had played.
On my sides rested empty hands.

The clouds turned pink,
The sky, a pale blue.
Watched reflections ripple colors
In the morning, thought of only you.

The nature of light
Continued the same,
Churning weightlessly the surface
Of the psychedelic windowpane.

Though the end of the water
Escaped my eyes,
I saw the vanishing point
Where the lake met the new sky.

The current pulled me out
With the strength of a thirst.
It all reminded me of infinite
Potential of the universe.

The turns above stirred
The air with their wings.
My eyes stared backward
At a mind full of memories.

when we were young,
everything was bathed in sunlight;
we loved and we fought,
we thought we would live, strong,
forever.

summers spent on the shoreline,
waves lapping at our feet--
we'd walk the pier in the evenings,
jumping from rock to rock,
spiders being the tenants between the spaces.

and then we grew,
wild and reckless--
nights spent on drugs and ***,
nights spent on choices made and regretted,
nights spent on violence and self-destruction.

our town darkened like the bags beneath our eyes.
the water doesn't shimmer in the light like it used to,
the stars don't shine like they used to.
the lights in the buildings flickered out,
windows boarded.
we don't go out at night like we used to.

we're all waiting to escape before we become
the next teenage suicide,
the next dearly-departed and gone-too-young.

we were all beaten and battered,
breaking each other's hearts,
begging for an out,
only to end up homesick
for a place we always hated.

the lakeshore was all we knew.

The water can heal you, if you let yourself

                                                     submerge.

The chilly fingers of the melting ice caps

will engulf you

making you feel very small

and very afraid

but then

when you erupt from the depth of self healing

you will feel the warm tendrils of the sun-rays

curling over and caressing your skin.

And everything

will

be okay

once again.

and inexplicably we jump
into the lake
though it is three in the morning and cold

i feel a young man's giggle on my neck
and turn to find buck teeth
odd-angled
too-broad shoulders for such a giggle

next to him the fog rolls off the water
and covers my chin like it covers the rocks
so i can barely see them
and she trips, tumbling, like she's a step away from an avalanche

pine trees reach up to the moon and down the water
and our laughter
meets in the middle.

A breeze caressing my bare legs, a gift from the soft blue sky
it feels good to be full again, with a slight scent of red wine.
The gentle waves kiss the rocky shore, with the white foam rimmed water
they carry an essence of a long lost home, memories with grandfather.
And the sister I lost not so long ago, leaves her paw prints in the sand
because I know, no matter where I go, at my side she'll stand.
The only thing my heart seems to long for, a new kind of high
a buzz brought to me, by simply one thing
that look in his beautiful brown eyes.

There are days of restless worrying,
And sleepless nights of fear.

Then are days of numb oblivion
With nights of terror-filled dreams.

Like relentless waves pounding
The weakened beachhead of the shore.
Like bloodied knuckles punching
The shredded remnants of a sandbag.

This, my cycle of the
Inevitable,
Unavoidable,
Inescapable,
Unpreventable

Stirring­ up of the
Indescribable,
Indefinable,
Inexpressible

Anger that resides deep within
My broken soul.

Yet no one knows.

I am a calm, placid lake.

A deep and dark lake
Sitting in the mouth of an active volcano.

I've only been camping a handful of times and this is the first we've been in about a year and its very nice and the outdoors is very comforting.  The stars in the sky shine so bright tonight, they remind me of my lovers smile. The bugs chirp and make so many noises it keeps me up, at late hours. The weather is hot and its humid so my hair sticks to my face and I sweat. I have to *** so bad but everyone is asleep and the bathrooms are unbearably disgusting. It took us almost an hour to set the tent up and we had hamburgers and hotdogs for dinner. The bonfire was warm. I can't wait to get out and go swimming in the lake later. Camping is alright.