~
I trust yet I'm suspicious
I love yet I'm hateful
I laugh loud but I cry
I observe, I'm not blind
I try so hard by confidence
shakes
Try harder, esteem breaks
I stand strong with laughter
aimed
Locked deep, my ferno rage
I clam up
Guards up
Shields up
Inside, the shards of my bones
break
Laughter to me is a sword
with two faces
I see the argent lighthearted face,
but my eye is locked on its
shadowed edge
Malicious, cruel, sharp and swift
Sheathed ever so deep into my heart
I can hear the echoes more than feeling the pain
I pick so blindly at an open wound
My mind is a riot, a murked brew
of emotions
Time will heal the wounds,
but it's a scar I'll always remember
Anger screams
Sadness cries
Frustation seethes
A joke, am I?
The sun is dead
Blocked out by echoes
Ink
So disoriented
Heart pulses
I cannot think...
~

these words that never found a mark.
said louder,

(i just want to connect)

and then louder.

which fall on non-interested ears.

Besotted winged pollinators
roistering barrage drowned
amidst general insectivorous cacophony
indistinct auditory signals communicated

intermingled with bounteous wafting fragrance
midwifed edenic floral pullulation
sensate admixture viz colored spectrum
amidst unrehearsed extemporaneous

orchestral suite bedded lambs
amorous ewe man like bleating songs
nature all aflutter actively socially vociferating
profuse living color rainbow pastiche

teeming soundgarden smorgasbord
cornucopia ignites mordent Utopian aural swath
visual vistas stilling spellbinding
spilling riotous carpeted web

uniting doubting Thomas's existentialism
despite unanswered queries
asper diverse modalities each specie evolved
to survive despite countervailing destructive forces

generating plethora pandemonium ironically
promulgating harmonic exemplary convergence
Highland Manor concourse aflame with new life
parented by instinctive imprimatur anonymous patents

now genetic mapping usurped with untold outcome
analysis bred crispr discovery Earthlings fiddling
glorifies honied indemnity Judeo-Christian kudos
leaves of grass kudzo resistance mutation immunizes

biosphere once prolific differentiation shrinks
becoming monocultural setting virtual stage
catastrophe plus food shortage would become
global debacle predicated, sans virulent

viral and/or bacterial strain renting asunder
tripwire unspooling delicate webbed whirl
already widely compromised more so
since Rachel Carson wrote Silent Spring


**** sapiens population explosion
pits profligate predilections planet Earth in extremis
dire crisis cavalierly dismissed humans
in hot pursuit racking up superfluous wealth

***** deeds done dirt cheap - tricking
mother nature, who will unwittingly
spring scrumptious feeding off scrimmage
forcing capitulation or total extinction

meanwhile fostering long tall floral inflorescence
a composite having sessile flowers
apiary abuzz, cuz queen bee
can no longer wax bereft of royal jelly.

9.30 pm
Nice warm shower
then into bed
On my pillow
I rest my head
Close my eyes
hope to sleep
distract my brain
count some sheep
Toss and turn
a hot sweat or two
lay here awake
think of you
Then my dreams
take me away
hope tonight this is where I stay
But now we're up at half 1
felt like sleep had just begun
Your all sorted  
hope you dream
straight to sleep
it does seem
If I sleep instantly
it's a treat
a whole nights sleep
you just can't beat
Next thing I know we're up again
it's half 5 in the morning
Drag my **** out of bed
Can't help myself from yawning
Your sorted
Back in bed
Once again I rest my head
Alarms are ringing
in my ear
Up again with not much cheer
Fruit and meds
I give to you
Then shower you
clean and fresh
I'm half asleep and look a mess
But back to bed
you want to go
It's just us today
so our day can be slow
Our support worker
has cancelled today you see
so I get to climb back into bed
for a more sleep
Yippee

Still


I have nothing written, but still I can read between the lines.
I have nothing to do, but to continue.
I have nothing, whilst you have gained everything you have through lies.
I have nothing more to say,
Because all you have to say contains no truth.


Lacking empathy to every thought inside your head.
Lacking any kind of pity; I’ll leave you behind for dead.
Lacking compassion to all you need to get from me.
Lacking indecision; my mind is made…you I will forget.


Losing all my faith, I could never believe in you;
Losing all those things you took, now I have nothing left to take.
Losing friends and family, still people push on through.
Losing hope in people, now there is no smile I need to fake.


With or without feeling, I tell you how I really feel.
With you or without you, time will never heal.
Without your love, I am better off;
With you those good times have disappeared and time is all it cost.


Still I continue living in the dark;
Still is my time, my life has come apart.
Still is the hand of the clock I do not hear at night.
Still is the heart inside my chest…
Still I am alive and still is my life.


(C)2016 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.