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C Solace Jul 2018
No more by name, an identity crisis
Often lonely, left within my thoughts
Time seems to be ever so motionless
Happiness trapped in memories
I fight myself to see the next day
Needing to find my hope again
Gratefully disenchanted to have opened eyes

is wrong
C Solace Jul 2018
As you stare back at me, are you just as disgusted?
  Take a gander at what life decided to hand this poor soul.
Do you see HER?
  Can you see her failure, her fears, that black-hole in her chest?
It’s all there, plain as day, hidden behind her smile.
  
   Worldly impressions have waged a war within heart,
She can no longer trust her eyes, nor her mind.
  They have lied so many times to her,
You are strong, you are unique, you are the essence of beauty.
  
   **** liars
Are we looking at the same woman?
  Her body is morphed and it is torn,
it bears scars from the inside out.
  

   Misplaced skin, sagging, dragging, nothing is working.
She does not need your pity,
  She has far beyond enough for herself.
Grab the mirror and smash it
  

   You can no longer stare back and be disgusted by me
*TW* this poem is a reflection upon personal body image, and the mind morph that can be displayed when you are struggling
C Solace Jun 2018
As if walking down a dark staircase,
  every step forward gives way to uncertainty.
Downward, tripping upon my thoughts
  feeling less, and less likely to feel the sunshine again.

It’s the smell of decay, rotted souls, & tortured hearts
  smothered dreams, forgotten hopes, among all the lies.
Broken hearts left in its wake, like the skulls upon Golgotha,
  condemned for their crimes.

That darkened staircase has become damped by tears,
  fear as taken over, with its siren-like call into the unknown.
Crashing like waves, an undertow of raw emotions,
  my demise now bellows from the locker below.

I’ve created this fable, where the plot twist is all to real
  only to assume its identity in ghostly winds.
Loneliness, my old friend
  my true undoing.

Sun rises and falls, day after day, It does not change
  so will it ever get better with the dawn?
Do the monsters I've brought to be, ever vanish into the darkness, forever?
  For I know I’m not alone, no matter how I feel.

HE walks along side me lovingly, waiting for my less than faithful cries.
  Unconditional, Unconventional, Unrelenting Love
No matter my feebleness, my flaws, my imperfect human form,
   Forever will HE make good on his promises to me.
A poem based upon personal struggles with depression & its influence upon my faith.
C Solace May 2018
The world looks at him, and gets lost in the confusion.
  She looks at him, and she is lost in his world.
Passers by stare at her unknown, unaware for the beauty within
  To him, her beauty lies far beneath her freckles.
Many of us can not even muster the courage to talk to one another
  Let alone, hold a candle to the splendor of true honesty & compassion.

Often replicated but never duplicated
  but duplication is within her.
Labeled for life to be a stigma,
  a supposed taboo.
Earthly born to be ‘weak’,
  but Heaven saw fit to grant her a strong heart & even fiercer spirit.
Undeserving of loyalty, for man deems her ‘broken,’
  Her presence screams throughout time,
“I am NOT broken!”
  She was made for him.

He fits to her soul like the last puzzle piece,
  Vibrant, making the whole picture complete.
Racing is his mind, nothing seems to calm,
  until he sees her, his fiery red hair gal.
Excitement is a curious creature,
   It can be wonderful, when expected.
Speaking can be useful, after much altering.
   But he doesn’t have to change for her,
She knows exactly who he is, and even more.
   He knows how to woo her, from the deepest part of his heart.

Very matter of fact, no filtering required
  for this is a special kind of love.
A love that many so often throw aside,
  to glamorize a cheap imitation.
Bright lights, loud stares, and quiet words
  determined to shatter their dreams.
Hollywood glitz & glamour films, tell of impossible tales
   knowing that they themselves, long for something real.
Give us a tale of how we should love,
  how not to cast aside the broken.
For it is our true stories, of undeserving compassion
  How we are loved for everything we are,
Give us a Love Story like Marissa & Billy.

Please visit the link below to know more about their story:

https://www.facebook.com/Marissa-Billy-a-special-needs-love-story-166422050876423
C Solace May 2018
Hang in there
Things will get better
It cant rain all the time


Childhood did not adequately prepare me,
Teenage hormones crippled my mind.
A young adult so longing to haze away the pain,
Faulty genetics, predestined to break.

Drunken nights, blurry weeks
Red pill, blue pill, 3 2 1...
White bump cope

Anything to keep afloat

Tasting colors, raining sounds
All to keep from sliding down

Adulthood is a shame, a travesty
I often wish I could slap 13 year old me
For every time i would believe it would get better when i grew up

How stupid could you be, child?
You know nothing.

Nothing of the pain your heart will feel
Nothing of true failure
Nothing of pure loneliness

You bought into it all
My, My… look at who has stumbled down the rabbit hole now!

Your passions stifled
Your ambition crushed
Limp & left for dead upon the cold stones

This too shall pass,
Things will get better,

It cant rain all the time...
C Solace Apr 2018
When you make a wish
what is your hearts’ desire?
What do you tell yourself
so you can survive another day?
The pain is so unbearable
it seems to never end
Do you ever wonder
why you were given this struggle?
Why is this your path to endure
The mind is full and blank
all at once,
     Do you know what kind of havoc that reeks?
A sharp, emptiness in your soul
to relive the void that you serve no real purpose
other than to occupy a space.
Do you know your worth?
Do you even understand what that means?
This never ending cycle
   Wake up
      Serve
        Survive
          No rest
              Repeat
Watching life from a far
Standing still, in what seems like forever
Glory days are not behind you
Yet, they do not seem ahead of you either
    Forgotten
      Lost
Scribbled off the milk carton
Missing:
  your place in this mere existence
Tears fall like flooding rains on the inside
a halfhearted smile
for all the world’s a stage...
C Solace Mar 2018
Vivid Neon Skies  
Drip,
      Drip,
           Sliding down the pain
Scratching, clawing
           searching for escape
Barely healing
           Rarely living
Corporate gowns of filth
               A shallow wasteland of next level haute
We cry out our blood is all red
      Til the stitching becomes undone
                  Hemorrhaging on the ground a Benjamin green
Peace
           Love
                    Total Collapse
Babble’s tower
           Jericho’s wall
                 Your Ivory towers
Ruins in due time
       Corrupt soil will not produce a healthy growth
Fields of violets
        A river’s bend
                 The very breath of life
Wonderfully misleading
                 Genuinely scarce
    Beyond our collective limits
Found are the Lost
                     Lost are the castaways
An hour glass that’s ever flipping
      Never fully reset
Grain by Grain, washed away
      Hostage to its environment
To a role it must play, despite conviction
              Tick,
                   Tick,
                        As time infinitely stands still
And goes by so fast, simultaneously
    Is that the haze we had hoped to create?
A line so blurred, that reality hangs upside down
         Deception
               Failure
                   Acceptance
               What’s your poison?
     Will it be your vice or virtue that places you into eternal slumber
Beautifully tragic
        Completely composed
                           T    O   X   I   C
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