I'm afraid to have kids
What if they get my depression
Or addiction
Or ******* alcoholism?
What am I supposed to say to them?

"Sorry kiddo,
**** it up.
You'll soon find out,
Life just ******* *****"

It's just not fair
To pass on an ongoing burden
To watch my kid suffer
Knowing that I can't relieve them

They're supposed to be protected
But I can't save them from themself
It just kills me to think
That we'd be drinking from the same well

What kind of father would I be
If I so carelessly
Had myself an offspring
That grew up to be just like me?

I lost myself a long time ago, you think I'd be numb by now.

I wish I could have drowned everything out, all the friends that gave me false hope.

The knife still twisting in my back.

I thought he loved me, did you atleast feel something?

Probably not, probably not, I'm more foolish than I thought

Behind that quivering tree, I spilled my heart.

But you just let the liquid poor in the dirt, leaving my
tears to flow.

I still miss you, and it's crazy because I barely even knew you.

I had hoped you were more than a stuck up brat.

Guess I was wrong, guess I was wrong.

Your sister and mother used to love me, now they look at me like a
stranger.

What did you say?

Do you know it still burns?

Their affection was real, but now they look at me like an infection.

What did I do wrong?

I guess we weren't meant to be, I can except that.

Your the reason why I'm scared to love anyone, I hope your happy.

Did you just want to humiliate me, embarrass me like a kicked puppy?

Take that fat stack of cash and shove it up your ***.

Maybe its better you left me that day, all alone.

I could've filled the ocean with my tears, but you wouldn't have cared.

Grazing your palm, going to your baseball games.

I was the idiot, for falling for you.

Falling for a brat.

What did I expect?

Nose Prints…by Jessie 2/07

Little nose prints on the glass
Evidence of curiosity
Mesmerized by goings on
Intriguing and captivating
Holding long bouts of attention
Ten little finger prints on the glass
Stationing, for a closer look
Starving to see more
Intensely interested
What charms tantalize the senses?
Focused in daydream
Invisible to those who see you
The moment has passed
You are on your way
Left behind… little nose prints on the glass

Let's play pretend,
like two kids in grown up clothes,
saying grown up words,
in our grown up voices.
Let's play pretend,
the way we did when we were kids,
and we'd say the things
we think we're supposed to say to sound
grown up,
adult and mature,
not small enough,
vulnerable enough,
to get hurt.
Let's fake it like it won't be painful
when we go on our way
and finish our busy,
big kid schedule.
Feelings get hurt just as easily as they did
back when they accompanied skinned knees
and tree houses.
Just because we tell ourselves what to do now
doesn't mean we tell ourselves right,
just because we can say how we feel now,
doesn't mean we say it then,
and just because we don't get in trouble for the truth now,
doesn't mean we don't play pretend.

How easily we let ourselves believe we can put our faith into anyone, or anything, besides ourselves,
Without fear of falling into the demise we’ve created,
Even though the possibility of opening our hearts is the one thing that can break our walls.
We create barriers to shield ourselves, and our hearts, from crumbling and turning into our mothers, and that sad lady down the street.
The truth is, we are so ******* terrified of the weakness love brings,
That we'd rather suffer alone,
Stay empty, but stay unbroken.
In the solace of our own minds we become a butterfly,
Only we don't know how to fly,
Too scared to take the first leap.
Do we risk shattering everything?
So easily we make excuses and cower instead of fall,
Because our heart is our most guarded possession of all.

I like to think
That you're still watching over me
This year, on the three year anniversary
Of your death
You sent me someone to fall in love with.

......
It starts young
When they’re supposed to be having fun
But instead they cry
Not understanding why everyone lies
Or why everything hurts all the time
......

When he had rushed home from school
Walking through the house all alone
To feed his fish from the fair
Only to find it floating upside down,
Death was there.

When she had stared out her window
Glued to her binoculars for a good half hour
Just watching the animals outside the cabin
Only to see a bird ****** up and gobble on a hare,
Death was there

......
Surrounded by cruelty
Wondering who they’re supposed to be.
Growing up in a world
Where pain is constantly unfurled
Where nothing saves the doves
And everyone feels unloved
You live long enough one way
And soon there’s nothing else you can see or say.
......

When he had smiled softly
Knowing soon his heart would fill with glee.
For now bones creak and ache
All this life does is take
Watching the world around him
Knowing he’ll never be like them.
Aiming for the bottom of the building
Jumping down hoping
Knowing nothing is fair
And Death is there.

When she had been sobbing
So hard she ended up coughing
Staring at the bottle
Knowing she wouldn’t make it to the hospital
She swallowed a handful of pills
Before death she’d get her thrills.
In her final moments
Trudging through the thoughts and slowness
Knowing this world is full of despair
And Death is there.

No where in a child development book
does it tell the child how to develop