Im not doing ok
I havent washed my hair
since last Sunday

I've worn these clothes
For the past 3 days

Just about killed myself
Saturday night

But like nothing is really wrong
Im just ******* depressed
And I don’t know how to get out of it

I almost asked someone how
I know if I need more help
But
Instead I typed a paragraph about
Why they matter and
Need to put themselves first

Not by your GPA
Or what others say
For you are far more
Than what some people see

Measure your worth
In the number of smiles you’ve caused
The way that you light up the world
Luminating the darkness
Turning sad nights
Into the most beautiful day

And I know it may mean nothing
To read this from your screen
I just wanted you to know
That you are
more important
Than you yourself believe

Inferno we bring into our lifes
While we speak the sweetest lullabies
We do care about the  buildings we made
But the biggest rainforest is not interesting as Notre Dame

When I feel
unimportant
because I am not known
for some great achievement,
I remind myself
the purpose of living
is not to achieve greatness
but to strive for my joy and happiness.
The question
I ask myself
in the present-moment
is not “Am I important?”
and not “Am I great?”
but I ask
“Am I joyful and happy?”.

Sometimes, it gets to you,
no matter how hard you try not to care.
No matter,
how many times you deny it doesn't hurt.
No matter,
how many times you reiterate that it doesn't matter.
It hurts.
It hurts because it still matters,
and at times the thought of it mattering
hurts even more.
Sometimes all these things add on,
and you begin to break.
That's when you finally accept to yourself,
It hurts.

Dear __ ,
We barely talk,
we spend mornings and nights
looking down on those rectangular box.
You don't even look at me anymore,
unless it is through the lens of yours.
You can't hear me over those phone calls of yours,
and now my heart sores and roars
for I feel alone.

Here comes the friend who calls, to use me.
Here comes the friend who plans, to ditch me.
Here comes the friend who messages, to lie.

You don’t matter no more
For I no longer want be hurt any more.
So take your pain
that you wrap as presents,
Because I no longer want it no more.

Don’t you keep calling me babe any more
Don’t keep calling me your best friend any more
For it no longer means anything no more.

Because these words
are just labels that mean nothing anymore.

Nothing matters anymore
No one understand me no more
So leave me
Desert me
Lie to me
Ditch me
Use me
Betray me
It no longer matters to me anymore.