Their is no sort of hell for the trip we took
I bloodied my knuckles and stabbed myself
You cried your eyes to your knees  
You've erupted into a flowing river of hate
I stand by your door and hopelessly wait
For you to realize i STILL love you.
My cold being is in transition
The icy crater I create in fear of monsters
Yet you erupt and I slide back down my hole
Escaping your roar and claws
Reaching for the only thing I have left
I hold myself and calmly say "this is a nightmare".
I do not sleep in peace
I assume your position hovers above me
I assume you can weaken my defenses
Unlock my door with a glance
I fall asleep in fear that the monsters will release themselves,
That angry beast summons itself and destroys us both.

my eyes x-rayed you as a stranger
as you were one
I knew I should give you a chance
But my heart refused to budge

This day was fused with difficulty and a newer sun
The only note this night can end on, is a bad one
In the rush I fell further from life, poor fortune seemed impaled
The crude white's new and improved hypocrisy had been scaled
A restless heart burns beneath these bones with a trembling sigh
As I'm identified, it hits like vesta when these loaned emblems tie

Her wont on a sleeve
only made hour grieve
while fever fed a cold today
the road sought hither late
and zonked this dale
still clamored in her oath
she'd bid herself again
but to perish her affront
while inside my belt
only brought here by stock
would swelter in her seat
along highway oft-tried and
never abandoned till a rap
her deathly congestion, Alas

that is what I have been
for 8 years.
I've been a mute.
I have been expected to take the ****
to make the impossible work,
sleep it off,
and take what i cant dish out.
Don't expect to understand me
my life's story
is really quite boring.
He  wants you to think
that I am just a perfect, quiet little church boy,
that has a demon side to him
he has lied for years,
each time pushing the mute button a bit harder.
I am a mute,
but it is time for me to speak.
He won't expect it,
he WILL regret it.
He is responsible for my scars,
and they want revenge
I'm coming for him.
I shall arrive only so soon
the dagger in his chest,
8 years of damnation
will fill his soul.
He will be muted
just as I was,
*so long long ago.

My mind frozen
time frozen
efforts cold
I still hold
My cellphone
in one hand
mouths chatter
eyes close .

///

Cold lifeless hands
inching closer
to hot smooth flesh
raging with *******
potential.
Throbbing heat and
angry breath
fills the room

anorexia and binge eating disorder
depression and OCD
reactive attachment disorder
sexually assaulted
sensory processing disorder
suicidal
abused
neglected
hostile
resentful toward mother figures
fearful of father figures
cutter
people pleaser
desire to be perfect
high expectations for herself
lost

"im not sure how i am going to help you. but i will do my best" -she says