It is bitter, or heavyhearted some would even say
She's botteling up all these feelings for someone, for an idea but this time's different she's told herself
Waiting for the earth to make it's turn again, so she can receive a simple shot of nothing, sent to everyone
As she described the appealing face to all her friends, who simply nod along  
Maybe one day, she will collect the things she's giving now, but this is not that person
And sadly enough she knows, but still hopes

Heres a little diddy
'bout my hopes and dreams
Take a little pity
on me please oh please
Tell me that I'll be fine
and you're the one
And that this is the last time
and I'll be done

Two sleepy souls carried on the breeze, through lucid, epic, prophetic hopes and dreams; slowly drifting to the land of nod.
With pillow talk and our sheets for sails, we’ll storm the cotton midnight realms, and keep our simple craft afloat; with *** and love, and silly jokes;
before catching zZz’s with gods.


Dedicated to Pixie.

It’s my first time.
The words. Hanging off my tongue.
He’s the first. He’s special.
We’ve been together for so long time.
I’m nervous. Terrified. Ecstatic.
It’s not his first. He’s done it. Before he met me.

I didn’t know what this was. At first.
This feeling. Bubbling in my chest.
The loud pounding. Only when he’s around.
I’m afraid. What if he hears it?
I want to tell him. I need to.
Will he hate me? Like the others?

He knows who I am. What I am.
He doesn’t care. He loves me for me.
But his love is different than mine.
It’s the love of a friend. It’s how he sees me.
All I’ve ever been is a friend. Since forever.
If only it was different, he could be mine.

“I love you,” I tell him. Stuttering out the words.
We are laying on my bed. Playing games.
His face blank. Silent. Is that bad or good?
I tried to cover it up. Saying as a friend.
But it didn’t come out. He stopped me.
Pulling me to him. To his chest. His heart.

A hush washed over us.
I couldn’t see his face. He wouldn’t let me.
“What?” He whispered. His hot breath caressing my ear.
Shivers run down my spine. I wish time would stop.
“Say it again.” What? I’m confused. Does that mean…?
No. Don’t get your hopes up. It could be nothing.

Again but slower. Muffled by his shirt.
His hold tightens. Stealing my breath.
“Again.” I obeyed. Over and over.
He never said it back. I didn’t mind.
My feelings were finally made clear.
Weight lifted. I’m finally free.

He releases me. My eyes catch a glimpse of his face.
A dark blush covered it. His own orbs were glazed with… desire?
That can’t be right. It must be a trick of the light.
He leans forward. I couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe.
His lips brush mine. I was captured. Enraptured
Fiery. Hot. Passionate. Demanding. Love.

I can’t fall anymore. Pull away. I need to.
I’m losing myself. We stayed for what felt like hours.
Until the need for air became too much.
Our lips undo themselves. Gasping for air.
Confusion took over. He taking me in circles. Dizzy.
The words refused to leave. No amount of sputtering would make them.

At last, he spoke. His words flew through my ears.
No. I must have heard him wrong. “Again,” I say.
He obeys. It’s what he said the first time.
“Again.” He does. Over and over.
Impossible. We are the same. Men.
He’s always been with the opposite. Girl.  

I jump to him. Tumbling to the bed. Laughing.
My lips catch his. Twisting and turning.
His tongue slides in as does mine. Deepening.
Hands sliding up shirts. Down pants.
His words play over. Never ending.
“I love you too.”

One day I’ll be sat next to you and we’ll have the car window down with music blaring way too loud as we drive under a sunset of lilac and cinnamon kisses with boxes in the back as we adventure on to the apartment we’ve just bought and that for the first couple of months we’ll probably struggle to afford.

But right now, we’re focused on decorating the rooms with succulents and picking out scented candles for the bathroom. Instead of unpacking for the first day or two we’ll keep the music blaring and dance with each other barefooted across the wooden floor and fall more and more in love with everything and starting a whole new life.

It is the thoughts like this that are still keeping me alive.

Last month, i dreamt of you.
You painted me into a bright yellow when i was completely colored in blue.

Last week, i dreamt of you.
You made me smile and suddenly it was you who i always wanted to talk to.

Last night, i dreamt of you.
We walked hand in hand under the pink skies of a nearby avenue.

Tonight, I might dream of you.
Will you dream of me too?