I breathe in the calamity
the scent of chaos overwhelming my senses
and I sit in this musk
this odor of turmoil
this crawling feeling that comes tandem with disarray
my mind is never calm
in this moment I find myself agitated
eager to move to a motionless mindset
where everything makes sense
and nothing is clouded in a fog of uncertainty
but here I sit paralyzed physically by a mental block
in time it will pass
in time it will pass

I don't drive down the middle
Of a back road with no name
On a dark night in the pouring rain.
I don't skip meals for days on end
Well, maybe I do,
But not as often as I used to.
I don't lay in bed staring at pills
That I know could end it
If I took one too many
And I don't question
How much "too many" is
That's mostly because
I already know the answer
But it's still progress.
The scars are fading
And my skin doesn't burn so much
Anymore, in fact
Its grown numb over the years.
And that's a nice change
Compared to the pain
Of wanting to end it
But knowing there is something to live for.
It was never because I felt
That I had no purpose
Or that you would be better of without me.
You were right when you said
That I was purely selfish
For wanting to go.
My reasons were simple,
I was so ******* tired
And as I glance towards the gun
Quick enough that you will never notice the longing that lingers in my eyes
I realize
I still ******* am.

Spreading the truth
Helpful
Useful member of society
Not garbage
Not ****
Everest submitting mountaineer
Deserving of happiness

Shunned
Tough times and life
Ignorance of others
Gifted girl
Medication being taken
Attempted suicide many times

I have eyes of
Green jade
I am down with that
It’s me
And I am beautiful


I have hair of
Black coal
I am down with that
And I am beautiful

I have
Skin of olive
Bordering on brown
I am down with that
And I am beautiful a beautiful mind

I have
A issues galore
Like Oren Ishii
From **** bill
I am down with that
I have a
Brilliant
And beautiful mind
Everyone is all a little crazy too.

So i am wondering what makes people
abandon me so quickly.
It’s not like I am
garbage or ****.
But why is it when I
Try to find
My other half
They ghost me.  

So I am wondering
How do I scare
People off
When it comes to
Romance
Is it the
Fact that I
Am mixed
Or is it
That I ain’t causasoid.  
Am I a freak.

So I am wondering
Why the only
People who love
Me are family
Why do I have no game
It’s not like
I got
Ebola
Or
Lepersy.

The cobbled stones, awash by moon
The drunken laddies that sip and swoon.
To gaze upon the midnight beaut
Would parish ones will to that of Newts.

Thus lady’s hair does fall much like
A waterfall of pure moonlight.
With eyes of jewel and crystal light
Sets ones soul ablaze and heart, bright.

With opulent lips, does she possess
Such voice of tinkling bells distress.
With wisps of silver at loves cheeks
Gold flecks do twinkle at brows peek.

To tame such beauty is hopeless venture
Too many a drunk lad, sweet and tender.
To gaze upon midnights supple dream
Is to be more than merely heard, but seen.

My father used to tell me that I am too serious.

I've always wondered,

When he was there for it all,

what else am I supposed to be?

I used video games
To escape reality
For it is lonely
And boring

I read books
To escape reality
And to gain knowledge
For the world
Is depressing
And hateful

I learn my native languages
To be connected
To my ancestors
And to escape
Reality
Because English is too real.
And boring.

I use my art
To express my anger
Without getting
The police
Involved
For I have been ******* blued and tattooed.