"This is the compassion I'm willing to give!"

This is the compassion you're liable to get.

Silence. Stillness. Absence.

Blazing radiator
How natural
When the weather
Makes you feel
So much better
Like a distant November
Forgetting the same
Old blame game
For once enlightenment
Some freedom

seventeen

im ******* bored
blasting hyperpop in my ears
screaming in fields and
writing on walls

sixteen

today
and yesterday
every day
all the same

fifteen

wheres my ******* break?
i spend time, i earn it back
some things cost a lot of time
some things, not so much

fourteen
thirteen
twelve
eleven
ten
nine
eight
seven
six
fi­ve
four
three
two
one

and im back awake again
the time flies like planes
how did i get here?
i don't know, but im here to stay

For home is in the eyes of my friends and my kin,
beside the deep footsteps where my lover has been.
It is found by the shadow of the one I do miss,
next to the smell of that fragrant last kiss.
So where is my home, let me find it once more,
for it exists near my heart, of that I am sure.

There is an ocean deep inside of me                                                              
­                                                                 ­                                                     
and lately I've gone deep sea diving                                                           ­         
                                                       ­                                                           
I'm doing a little bit of self-reflection                                                  ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­   
Making sure I'm headed in the right direction                                                    
   ­                                                                 ­                                        
Trusting my intuition, no second guess                                                            ­  
                                                              ­                                                          
It's working pretty well, no problems yet                                                    
         ­                                                                 ­                                    
Walking in the path that's right for me                                                            
                                                                ­                                            
Standing tall in the face of adversity                                                        ­        
                                                        ­                                                    
Saying what I believe is the real truth                                                           
Even if it's not hitting your sweet  
tooth                                                    ­                
                                                                ­                                                
Hold my head up & walk through the crowd                                                  
                                                                ­                                                
This is me being me, me being proud

bright
cheerful
delighted
blissful
ecstatic
elated
overjoyed
glee­ful

Why am I not happy
Everything is okey
Nothing bad
And even if..
Nothing big just minor bad
Should be happy
Should be grateful
Should be okey
But no
Spiraling into negativity
Why...
Why is the usual not working
Why...
I should be okey
But I'm not...

living their first time too.
expecting they know everything.  
sweet and sour at the same time.
painful, not living up to their dreams.
i’ll try my best, for both of you, for everything you did and everything you couldn’t do.

It's not learning to do without flour,
Or to like new substitutions.
It's steps on a road to be happier,
To be healthier,
To be you.