that sleepless nights

where i am in your eternity

eternity where we are together

& forever
but forever?

I want to be happy forever
Sadly nothing is forever
My grandma said "study, forget men"
Something I should of done was listen
We always do something we regret
And I haven't forgotten yet
I haven't forgotten all the mistakes
Because I put everything at stake
I became the lover of many
I kissed many
My heart forgot how to feel
And it all didn't seem real
I was loosing myself
How could I help thyself?
The obsession of men grew bigger
But I loved neither
I only loved once in my life
And I wish I had become his wife
I miss him and it's ridiculous to say
That after a year I wish he would of stayed
I should have listened to my grandma and avoid love
But my heart could not avoid love!
I now suffer the consequence of the broken hearted
And I still wish he wouldn't have parted
I have to let go, trust me I know
But my mind set does not let me know
That I still love him so
That I still want him so
To my mind his just another guy
To my heart he is the only guy
How can my heart and mind understand each other?
If they cannot stand one another

She has always been the prettier one.
The one that all the guys went after.
I had endless people tell me how pretty my best friend was,            
 even though I knew.
But when it came down to the guys I liked,
It wasn't me they wanted.
And maybe that's the reason I never wanted her to talk to them,
because once they saw her....
It was like I never existed in the first place.

Lipstick glides on, my eyelashes lengthen
My skin is smooth and I feel wonderful.

Hush, don't tell
This secret has me under a spell.

The swoosh of fabric over my head
The embrace of stockings on my thighs
And the security of wire on my chest.
All red like the passion that colours my cheeks;
Lace blacker than the darkness of the sky.

Corset pulled tight, clasps hastily fastened
Imagination wild in my deadly high heels.

Hush, don't tell
This secret has me under a spell.

The swoosh of fabric over my head
The embrace of stockings on my thighs
And the security of wire on my chest.
All red like the passion that colours my cheeks;
Lace blacker than the darkness of the sky.

Eyes sparkle as I strike a pose
I'm a **** tiger and you're a little cat.

Hush, don't tell
This secret has me under a spell.

The swoosh of fabric over my head
The embrace of stockings on my thighs
And the security of wire on my chest.
All red like the passion that colours my cheeks;
Lace blacker than the darkness of the sky.


22nd August 2016

I can feel you looking down at me
Because I dreamed of being a mother as a kid
But why should I change my past, so you’ll be satisfied
That I’m just as tough and handsome as you?

I don’t care, I know I’m not a stud
And I was never truly jealous anyway
As long as I ignore my thighs and pretend my pecs aren’t there
I can mentally punch you in the face.

When you smile it makes me turn away
You’re just too happy for me with your perfect, straight teeth
You’re too strong, way too strong for me
Your presence is overwhelming

Your hair is more messed up than my future
Your shirt is more torn than my self esteem
And don’t get me started on my height
Cos to me you’re taller than a ******* tree

And I can’t take (no I can’t take)
All this madness that I see
It’s taking away my individuality

When you smile it makes me turn away
You’re just too happy for me with your perfect, straight teeth
You’re too strong, way too strong for me
Your presence is overwhelming

If you’re the sun (whisper) I’d rather be in darkness
If you’re my heart, I’d rather tear you out
Cos I’m not perfect and I’d rather never be
I’d rather be a girl but still be me

When you smile it makes me turn away
You’re just too happy for me with your perfect, straight teeth
You’re too strong, way too strong for me
Your presence is overwhelming

So go flexing all you want, I’m not obsessed with you anymore
Mr Perfect, you’re more like Mr Weak.

15th August 2016

A sneaky glance here, a forbidden love ignited
Your stamina driven by a fire un-blighted.
Our limbs lock, intertwine like puzzle pieces
Our chests pressed together, hands loosening breeches.

I can feel you under my skin
Ebbing and flowing to my whim
And your hair feels like the stars I’ve longed to touch.
Your eyes are closed, no dreams are here
We’re breathing in the here and now
I never thought I’d want someone so much.

Your grip makes me feel safe
My arms can’t let you go.
My hairs stand rigidly, at a pace
We’re putting on a desire rid show.

I can feel nothing but fingers and skin
Exploring and groping to whim
And your hair feels like the stars I’ve longed to touch.
Your eyes are closed, no dreams are here
We’re breathing in the here and now
I never thought I’d want someone so much.

You leave me breathless and gasping
My fantasy fulfilled, and rasping
Your sweat is sweeter than water
Our limbs never falter

I can feel nothing but fingers and skin
Exploring and groping to whim
And your hair feels like the stars I’ve longed to touch.
Your eyes are closed, no dreams are here
We’re breathing in the here and now
I never thought I’d want someone so much.

Boys can be boys, but not you and I
We go far back to the very first time
That you wanted me and I craved you;
This wasn’t merely a *****.

5th August 2016