I grieve you
the way I grieve my last cigarette
knowing I'll have another
and another
and another
but I grieve him
the way I grieve the very last
knowing I'll spend eternity
searching for
just
one
drag

I saw a picture of you and me together,
And I realized that I'll never  hold you like that again.

You'll never be there to hide my pain behind violent bouts of laughter;
Your warm neck will never offer me comfort anymore.

Of course, I was sad,
But then I wondered, why?
Why should I be sad when you're not here?
When you don't exist anymore?
When all the atoms that made up you are in the mud
Just like you wanted?

Of course, you didn't deserve to go,
But then I wondered, why?
Why should you not go to the place where we all will be eventually?  
When that is where you were gonna end up anyway?
When you knew that you had someone to love and be loved by
Just like you wanted?

Of course, everyone tells me it's okay to grieve,
But then I wondered, why?
Why should I be sad about something I knew would happen?
Something that I had been preparing for?
Something that would take all your woes and miseries away
Just
Like
You
Wanted?

I'm sorry that you grieve
As I take my leave
This my sacrifice
Should it suffice
Even if it meant
That you would resent

Use me,
Abuse me,
Don't look at me,
Just through me.
Force yourself
Ontop of me,
Then let me grieve
Quietly.
I lay there crying,
Soaking the sheet,
The uneasiness within me
Starts to repeat.
Hit me,
Quit me,
Don't love me,
Don't lust me.
Break me,
Shake me,
For God's sake,
Heartbreak me.
Tell me when it's over,
Tell me when you're done,
And as long as I'm crying,
Just know that you have won.
My body's weak;
You make it weaker,
But you keep taking,
You push deeper.
And then at once,
You're up and gone,
They ask for a description,
I tell them, *"the Devil's spawn".

The
        haunting
                         distinction
                                             between
*What
            is
                and
                       what
                                 has
                                       passed

We all have a story
Your friend who died last night
Has published his
The least you can do is read
And acknowledge it
The authors achievements
The boy who got dumped
Feels a pain
Just as great
As you did when your father
Beat you half to death
We all have different thresholds
So never tell someone
They don't understand
Because in some way they do
The scars are all the same
On the inside

You sat me down
I was so young
the look in your eyes
flickered with pain
searching for the words
to describe the disease
to your little girl
shes unable to understand
the seriousness
the pain

I visit you in the hospital
I receive the good news
the contrast
between the good and bad
was immune to me
I didn't know what the disease
was capable of
it was capable of changing my life
forever

I curled up next to you that night
I dozed off on the hospital bed
blessed to have my Father.

She hides behind her eyes
withered and tampered
tempered i am, she needs
to be pampered, help i give
but she won't receive, see
i want to help her, so she
doesn't have to grieve ....