living makes me want to die
while the sound of the river keeps playing,

and my privilege will soon drown it out
as the river trickles down my ears,

but i keep hearing the same song.
I dance in the rain

people start to believe my lies
and I splash in a puddle.

i laugh with grief

there is no me anywhere, anymore
My clothes are soaked with protection.

I run and run and scream and play,
Waist deep in my little river,

it's thick
must be the polution

no one hears my calls or wishes.
I let myself float care free.

I hold my breath everyday
I feel it slosh in my brain

I won't wake up from this dream
I'm sinking

drip
drip

I hear the river stream
as it moves past my body
as it moves through my body

it goes on
     it goes on
          it goes on

what goes on when i can't?

drop
drop

silence.

What happens when I get the bottle open?
When I'm strong enough to let it go?

all the hopes and dreams I once had
escape
and I gain the knowledge to be free

What happens when I get the bottle open?

I stab the villain and not the innocent
finally slaying my demons
it's liberating
can't you see?

What happens when I get the bottle open?

I'll finally see the truth
maybe you will too
be happy for me
this is no set back

What happens when the bottle finally opens?

and all my dreams come true
I'm laying on the beach
listening
as the crashing waves
consume me
so nicely

What happens when the bottle's open?

and there's no going back
like Pandora's box of bottles
and all that's left is to
sink

What happens if the bottle's already open?

and I can't hide it anymore

I'm sorry
for wasting

Everything

but the bottle's been opened
and I can't waste this

not now

there is no strength to close it.

break me once again
'cause it didn't work before
and the shards don't fit together
so break me once more

I don’t want to be okay
And live my life another way
Not right now
Not today

I don’t want to get better
or get worse
But I keep complaining that it hurts
Where I am
I think I like the pain
I think I wanna stay

I’ll just be here sinking
Screaming
Running
Jumping
I remembered this better
Is it really any better?

You say you want me healed
But I think you like me this way
Or maybe you just want to run away
And leave my carcass in the rain
Hope I wash away
But I’ll just end up on the bay
floating

Like i’m stalking you
Following you
‘Cause you said you want me better
But I think I’d rather jump

Fear hurts.
No matter how happy I am, there is always fear.

When it’s dark at night, there is fear.
Fear crawls underneath the blanket with your beating heart.

When you eat an ice cream cone, there is fear.
Fear slides onto your tongue, along with the sweet, frozen cream, and makes its way down your throat.

When you squeeze a pillow, fear will be there,
refusing to exit your mind.

Fear, why won’t you exit my mind?
It never leaves me..

But fear is what keeps you going everyday.

When you climb a great pine tree,
you feel glad, happy, strong, though never fearless
for fear’s there lurking in the needles right there with you.

When the sweetest pitbull licks your face with it’s oh so soft tongue,
you fear that it will leave you.
When your phone rings,
you fear of who it is.

Fear makes me fearless

When you play, you still fear.
You don’t even know what you fear but
fear is everywhere.
It doesn’t make sense.
Fear doesn’t make sense.

Fear is fear.

When fear comes along
Fear is your best friend
Fear makes me dance.

When you love something,
you fear that it will go away.

You fear of yourself.
You fear of the world.

Fear comes to make life harder,
to make you sad,
to make you scared,
but your heart is full of joy so you just sit at the kitchen table,
eating donuts with a side of fear.

You may love fear, you drink it like it’s coffee,
but you hate fear even more.

I paint my face with tears
because I don't want to wipe them away.
I don't want to vanish my pain
and save it for another day.
I don't want to be known as my pain
but I am my pain.

My pain is the glossy finish
that my tears leave on my face.
My pain is what covers me.
My pain is what you see right through
'cause its clearer than cellophane

What if I don't like the sticky feel my tears leave behind?
What if I don't like the shame my pain brings along?

My pain is the scream into both ears that keeps me up at night.
Its the rush in my arms that makes me stab myself when dark.

Maybe if it wasn't dark you would see the red my eyes show;
crying out to you,
wishing you'll know about the pain that took me.

But when the light shines bright I spread my pain clear
like the armor to protect me,
or more likely it's my shield to hide behind.

But sometimes I shut my eyes
and they forget to reopen
and I just lie there
because maybe I don't want them to.