Prior to our divorce, the echo chamber,
a blazed path of scorched earth where a mistletoe once grew;
I will admit, my mate was a sheep in wolf's clothing and I the opposite, an inside out porcupine.
We use to joke about it over a couple glasses of wine,
until our second therapy session, the grapes smelled sullen
and the joke was pronounced dead on arrival.  

I am one to never quit: a job, a duty, yet the car was totaled,
having just installed our toddler's seat, my hand was forced.
Holidays apart, a decade of predetermined calendars,
"every others", now omnipresent words
scrolled into our patchwork speech patterns.

It was a Thursday morning, extra early, for me at least,
when I discovered my wife's "extramarital affair".
Something the lawyers like to call it, doesn't soften the blow though,
it's not like say, taking steroids, counting cards or
drinking vinegar to pass a **** test.

Merely thinking back renders my breath useless, vision impaired,
while that car wrecks at the same high speed as my heart thumps.
Allstate, just write the entire ******* check out to cash, I'm bare,
this fate was All my fault; apparently I lost her along the way.

Easier to do nowadays with what, say everything nowadays.
Haven't gotten to the part where I,
"allegedly attempted assault", on her new lover.
I must wait for two inks to dry before divulging that burnt dirt:
one on our old divorce decree, but more importantly,
the other on her new marriage license.
FIN to be CONTINUED.

I hit rock bottom,
and then I start again.

I don't let the bad times take away the positive things I've done.

I take a deep breath,
I get up,
I continue walking down the road.

There are so many things I would like to do before I'm gone,
I'm not letting a little wind take away my opportunities.

I hit rock bottom,
and then I start again.

Even when it seems like everything is lost.
Even when my head hurts for crying.
When my eyes burn because of the tears.
Even when my knees are red for being on the floor,
and my body can't hold itself straight anymore.

I wake up to a better day, every day.

I put on my jacket,
my favorite pair of boots,
the nice beanie my mom knit for me,

and I go out.

I keep on dreaming.
I keep on smiling.
I keep on breathing.

I live.

Throwing silk sheets over a worn mattress
I cannot fathom the idea of you sleeping here
you accidentally pulling a corner off and seeing the stains beneath.
This hotel has been vacant for months.
But that doesn’t mean the guests before you
Were kind to it.
They said ‘**** it’
Left the mess for house keeping,
Blood stained walls
Feathers from ripped pillows
A maid sighs and shakes her head
Ten dollar tip for wasted effort
Have to put the pieces back together again
Vacancy sign illuminated again.
Do not do this to me again.
Cleaning supplies are expensive.
And this business has made me so poor

Have you ever wanted to die?

I have
I have wanted to die for such a long time
That the wanting became a part of me
When i was young despair fell into my lungs like a liquid
And i couldn’t get rid of it
Tiny lungs filled quickly
And they couldn’t handle when my face reddened and my pulse quickened
So much so, that as i wheezed out of consciousness
I hoped and prayed to never wake up

But i always did,
And as i grew
So did my lungs

Instead of being full they were only a third of the way there
I wasn’t so suffocated but i could still feel it stir with every breath

To me the world had always been a sad place to be in
Everyone was always searching
For something bigger
Searching for something better
For more
Because having what you have was never enough
And loving what you love was never enough
Even being who you are was never enough

The sadness was engraved in me too
The sadness was a wax coating over my body
And it made it hard to move

Hard to feel
All my senses were muffled
And it left me so unsure of everything
About my feelings and how others felt about me

So that even friends were not really friends
Because relationships make people delve into each other

And how could anyone delve into me if the wax
That had once been a thin coating was now protruding limbs?

I was alone
In a planet full of people
In a life full of companions
And in a family that was kind but neglectful

One day, gruesome thoughts began
I wanted someone

Anyone

To feel the despair and the sadness
Much like i did
To make them wheeze, to make them numb

I wanted to tear them apart

Floating in in the pool that became an ocean
Of my very own psychosis
Twisted me into the very thing that was killing me
So i could prey on another
And start the cycle once again

There's a parasite in me,
That's eating away at my mind
My sanity
And my soul

I hope to end this with me before it's too late

WITCH
By: Jean Gutierrez

******* sorrounds us,
When you get to attach to them
They came up with freaking stories
Those rumors that can ruin your name.

And when you let it go deeper,
You’ll be played without knowing it
Those moments when you laugh
Will change into anger.

You’ll be hesitant to say a word,
Some of the letters were gone, missing
And when you hear the name or voice of it
Little by little your blood goes up.

Why are you here?
My hands crumpled and ready to punch
But I controlled it
Because it’s only a waste of time.

2nd of Jan all revved up
Another cup of tea in another tea cup
Back to work sharp and raring to go
Cup of tea gone, the start is slow

Happy New Year you say with glee
The guy over there is staring at me
I pick up the pace and give it some wellie
Oh crap I think he's staring at my belly

Peanuts, crisp, Toblerone and cake
Turkey, trifle all on your plate
Just eat and sit until you're ill
As you tell yourself just sit and chill

Must get fit and lose some weight
Tuesday arrives you come home late
Chicken Pie, peas and a pint of beer
Same old same old Happy New Year!

flies circlin as i'm breathing in smog
gravel in my throat making me choke
with a voice that sounds like a bullfrog
I tried calling for help but just croaked.

If all my lies were miles my tongue could pave tiles on a path all the way from  home to heaven or hell
I must have come off course where the road forks, no time for remorse, oh well.
Call me silvertongued i could make monks buy trunks full of ladders with no rungs, but i've got nothing left to sell.

and the devil could do just as well

it doesn't matter now,
however much i wish and pray,
or vow that I'd go a different way,
I keep inching forward every day but I think I've gone astray.

And I long for a place to stay,
somewhere i belong,
I hope to find it someday.
But it's not today.