said i'm a stranger
a ****** up stranger
you no longer know how to love
nor want to anymore
when i used to be your world
but i created catastrophe after catastrophe
which gave you an excuse
to act like i was no longer human
no longer, your human

Empty eyes
Scan the room
For a solvent

To dissolve
The boarding sadness
Feeling at home in my truth

Hiding behind honest lips
Despair coats
My throat

Tricking me into believing
That it’s going down
Like water

Voices chanting
In bonds
Made by weakened spirits

Shot
Shot
Shot,

I take.

Chuuug
Guuulp
Sluuug,

I fade.

Eyes wander,
Looking in my skull,
For a brain

Before Answering
a knock
at my lips

Peck
Peck
Smooch.

The blur
Drags us
Away

My eyes
Disillusioned with romance
Scan the room

Hollowly thankful
No one heard my
Signal

Wondering
If he can taste
How raw

My voice has become.

I miss him and I shouldn't say ******* having lost someone I love
I miss him and I should stop thinking how ****** up the world is
I miss him and hiding things is terrible
I miss you and I wish you were here
I wish I could have said goodbye

I wish you could see me,
not physically but emotionally.
Then you could judge me.
When you see just how ****** up
I am inside.

When I say this.

When I say this I mean I’m dying

When I say this it means

last night I probably puked so much I passed out

or cut so much I had to stitch myself together

maybe I don’t even remember what happend last night

maybe I

maybe I am trying to ask for help

Maybe I’m still a ****** up from the pills I took last night

Maybe I drank so much I’m not sure what’s happening now.

Maybe I did shots before heading to school today

Maybe I tried to **** myself but I just couldn’t do it

Maybe I’m contemplating the easiest way to **** myself

I’m fine though, really.

Everyone has their problems

I just need to **** it up.

I’m sorry.

I’m fine.

Sorry, dude. I must admit
I find it more than pathetic
That you experience life
With sorrow about some of it
That you don’t have a drug
To take to help appreciate
Something that is amazing
And really needs no chemical
To help you exaggerate
What is really going on
And pretend it is better
Or somehow transcendent
As if water can be wetter.

But it is as if time warped
And I have gone backward
To talk to myself about it
And then zapped forward
To see what a saturate
What a wet-brained fool
I was back then, it’s true.
I was a tin-plated tool.
I measured my existence
One dime bag at a time
Giggling with stoner friends
About my forays into crime;
Selling backs of skunk ****
When nobody else had any
Good stuff or bad stuff.
And I was the one with plenty.

Walking through Hollywood
With stoner friends and flakes
Singing as we stumbled along
About life and what it takes
To satisfy *** hounds those days.
***, drugs and rock and roll
And pride in our half-witted ways.
Learning how to roll pinners
Of a buddy’s stash on the sly
While he was taking a whizz
And couldn’t ask me why.
Learning how to properly treat
The remaining sticks and stones
And confiscating the roaches
When the others left them alone.

That was the cannabis coalition
The Sativa Society at its height.
We worked in the daytime and
Got ******* most every night.
And sooner or later, on the job
In the bathroom or on the roof.
I didn’t think of it addiction.
I still needed further proof.
I needed to try to buy ****
From a government man I met.
Fortunately I bailed on that
Before adding one more big regret.
Life has gotten better since then
No more outside dependence.
I quit before the drugs became
The entire focus of my existence.

I can't control my brain,
it goes to extremes,
there is no controlling it,
idk if I was born with it broken
or if it just broke within the years,
all I know is;
that it'll never be able to get fixed,
there is nothing you could buy,
nothing you could say,
nothing you could possibly do,
you'll just have to endure it like me, or
I guess just decide to leave, but ultimately, the choice is up to you, just cause I've got to live with it,
doesn't mean you've got to...

Society is ****** up because we let it be