shallow heart and a heavy head
the echoes of words we never said

one last time you look at me  —then you look away
feels like i am pushed into a night from a sunny day

i can see through you –you're crystal clear
too many emotions to deal with, but there's no fear

you're easy to adore, not easy to hate
too ugly to love, too pretty to disobey

you're the tower i need to climb
i know -you know
but you keep asking me if im fine
obliviously —

you're the one building up the dynamics
a force we dont need
you keep adding up the bricks
the gaze and your subtle tricks
you know -i know

I reread something old I never sent you
Begging you to help me fix what we had.
Begging me to let me help you.

But you shut me out. You always have, the more I push the more I try to figure out what’s going on in your mind
The more you pull, the more you retreat, to black corners of your thoughts I’ll never see

You show me songs of love and loss, the woman who spits fire, you tell me to listen to the lyrics and I’ll figure out your hearts true desire.

But your actions speak louder than the words you never did, they scream over speakers in old cars & tire skids.

I am but human.

You leave me with a thousand puzzle pieces, waiting for me to put it together
But the pieces are mixed up, worn, & weathered. Theres smile lines in frowns with tears, there’s hurt and sorrow for so many years. And all I want to do is figure it out. Quench your thirst in this awful drought.

But you could care less it seems.

I get upset. I get frustrated. I lay awake at night. I try to figure out what I can do to make it right what I can do to help you to show you I care and there’s nothing— because at these pieces I stare just trying to put it all together. Just trying to make sense of it all.

I need your help,

I’m so focused on putting you back together my own pieces are starting to fall.

the child inside is still begging you, please. Please.

Talk please, say something, anything

for silence is not the absence of sound but the presence of something else.

Looking back on these pages,
I can’t help but see,
this outlet I’m using,
is not helping me.

I used to use poetry,
to clear out my thoughts,
to “pour out the poison”,
when I was distraught.

Lately, however,
it’s changed in some way.
That feeling of peace,
has been replaced with dismay.

I would pour out a rhyme,
and the pain would recede,
but now the water grows deeper,
and I simply can’t breathe.

I look around lately,
and this feels like a dream.
It’s like nothing is real,
just “simulated reality”.

Going through the motions,
but there has to be more,
there has to be substance,
but where is the shore?

How do I stop from drowning,
when I’m creating the waves?
Fighting to stay afloat,
and trying to act brave.

I guess the simple answer is,
is it’s not simple at all.
I have to keep trying,
if I can’t walk then I’ll crawl.

**** all the whining,
the excuses too,
because I’m in this alone,
and I know what to do.

I won’t give up easy,
and if I should fail,
then at least I’ll know I tried,
to open my sail.

So here’s to the future,
and a heart I hope mends,
but even if it doesn’t,
we’re all just stories in the end.

A collection of ‘Love is…’ Poetry
Eclipse


Love is frustrating.
Love is confusing.
Love is so hard to say,
When you are so used to losing.


(C)2017 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

The first time I tried strumming strings
I cried and cried
I felt I couldn't get clean.

My friends tell me I need to practice;
find out if I'm a harp or a horn.
But as much as I tried
I ended up torn.

It wasn't wrong to develop an interest,
so I put myself out there, I couldn't rest.
I imagined the jungle, the tundra, the sea
But these different rhythms weren't for me.

I'll never forget when I met the musician.
He showed me a song in his room.
Finally, It washed over me!
Va Va Voom

He showed me his
and he showed me mine.
It was new and confusing,
exotic, frightening
absolutely, perfectly enlightening.

I am full of bass,
brass and strength!
I spent too long
trying to epitomize grace.

He taught me a wild, improvised tune
but I can't remember!
What he played that June.

So very messed up
The cloud's dark grey
Everyone's too tired
Hungry as in package

You're asking around
Maybe there's someone
Wants to share
Nor it will all go wasted

It's just frustrating
This ego is killing
What to wait
It's your call

These eyes met
Went all speechless
Plain and nothing
Again the ego wins

“christina”
“teacher?”
“marina"
“anna”. twice.
i’ve only noticed your eyes today.
i’ve worn them for a year.
how interchangeable we are. how replaceable.
maybe if I began to wear
a purple hat or something
people would remember.