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Ksh Nov 2019
I'm trying this new thing
wherein I take something ugly,
and turn it into something
I find beautiful.

Like the concept of myself
being replaceable and dispensable
in someone else's life,
in this very moment in time.

I choose to interpet it
as me being a signpost, a direction
to the one true place that someone else
is destined to be.

Like tangent lines,
meeting once,
in a certain finite point
in the infinite board,
and to never meet again.
Ksh Nov 2019
My depression doesn't come in the form of
rain clouds crowding over the sun and pouring
torrential rain on the sidewalks.

My depression doesn't come in the form of
thin white lines on smooth, brown surfaces --
when I say an arm, would you know if I meant
my limb or a part of a chair?
Would it even make a difference?

My depression doesn't come in the form of
empty bottles and missing wallets;
of nights spent in a drunken haze,
of sleeping in park benches and vomiting onto the pavement.

No. It comes in the little things --
Like the untouched, dry paintbrushes on my desk,
Like the growing collection of half-finished water bottles at the side of my bed,
and the tapestry that fell that I refuse to pick up.

It comes in little packages, like
the sparsity of my fridge, or the overflowing trash bins.
When was the last time my pots and pans have been taken out of the cupboard?
The last time that I prepared something that wasn't
microwaveable-ready, or straight out of a packet?

It's received with little fanfare, like
the state of my hair, unwashed for days;
the sunken spot in the middle of the mattress;
the awkward silence around friends.
Is the conversation drifting, or is it you?

It's crying in the bus for no apparent reason,
it's calling parents just to feel a tug of affection,
it's over-compensating with love and openness that feel entirely alien to be on the receiving end of.

It's smiles, it's frowns,
it's shouting, and silence,
It's day, and night,
and young, and old,
and in, and out;
The point is, the point is --
my depression does not look like yours.

I don't know what it's supposed to look like,
and at this point I'm too afraid to ask
the dark mass at the foot of my bed,
to manifest into something I can understand
lest it decides to finally swallow me whole.
killjoy Nov 2019
Ghosts are walking today.
Last night, misty rain fell upon the town.
On top of already soaking wet yellow leaves
that was plastered flat layer by layer-
like a yellow brick road. I walked on-
after work because biking was not an option-
in the wet air upon the wet road.
Where the road shone slick black,
Under the orange streetlight-
beneath the fading twilight, into the night.

Ghosts are marching today.
They pushed and shoved between the thin veil,
in forms of wind shrouded with orange decaying leaves.
They left dust trails, sidewalk cyclones, and-
Played mischief upon innocent walkers.
They crowded around and laid in wait,
until in groups they swamped and swayed.
As they passed by the disarrays,
with their fuzzy hats, thick coats and flying scarves,
they clutched their coat, just a little bit tighter-
and that’s enough I’m sure, to make deads smile.

Ghosts are parading today.
There was a halo behind the blanketing grey clouds-
that allowed a trickle of lights like diamonds fell into my eyes
and just for a moment in the corner of my eyes I saw:
a long crowd reflected by the golden light,
parading down the street, not caring for passing cars.
They carried a banner high up to the sky
and I squinted my eyes for a better look,
twisted my head back to catch another glimpse,
but with a blink of eyes, they were gone-
like the misty rain that fell last night.
Ksh Nov 2019
'La
First among many.
That was me, to you; the first from the last.
The last among many.
That was you, to me; the last from the rest.
Quite a nice position, wasn't it?

A woman of many talents,
of many stories that were too late told,
of hardships in silence buried.
A lifetime of rollercoasters,
of standing on a pedestal
and being struck to the ground,
heel to skull, teeth to pavement,
threatening to never let up.

Yet you did, and have not spoken of it since.

Do the words 'too little, too late' ring any bells?
Does the phrase 'less is more' still hold true?

In my mind, I see you in an ocean of darkness
Helpless, and friendless,
suffering in silence.
Yet, you're hardened by years of experience,
of hurt in the dark, of scars in the night.
You, an old dog,
and one of your oldest tricks --
licking your wounds in isolation,
willing the world to do its worst
as you weathered the storm,
one that you've already withstood before.

I can only describe you as an Inverse;
a woman who,
ignoring her own palms skinned to muscle, to bone,
built ramps and laid bridges
to give children enough space to run;
who, turning her back from a life of rejection and hate,
showered everyone with only gratitude, and love,
and everything that she knew she deserved but never received.

You, who brought words to life
in a language so deeply underappreciated,
have rendered the world speechless.
You, who have shown strength
in the face of adversity,
have rendered your blood weak.

A woman of contradictions,
contradictions of the best kind --
for even in death, we celebrate life.
To my late grandmother, who I wish I could have shown more appreciation to when she was still alive. I love you, lola. I wish with all my heart that you knew exactly how much.
Ksh Nov 2019
Empty streets in the cold of night,
An evening not so much as autumnal as it is of winter.
The roads, lined with little pinpricks of light
that seem to go on for miles, and miles,
without a beginning nor an end.
How does one differentiate a starting and a finishing point?
The laws of physics dictate
that displacement be calculated by the distance one has traveled
from their initial point of motion.
If I have traveled far and wide,
and stepped into the same footprints that I made when I first left,
I'd have come full circle;
my displacement would be nil.
Would it have been better to have been away, exerted all that effort, have gone through all the *****, and glamour,
and excruciating moments of boredom and nothingness
that life had to offer, just to come back to the same spot I started?
Or would it have been better to just stay in place,
mum and silent, with the world passing me by,
like streetlights in the road,
illuminating the way like signposts,
to the end for some, to the beginning for others,
but always -- always -- just a rock in the stream?
Hummingbird Nov 2019
To catch the raindrops,
I cup my hands,
Only to watch as it overflows,

There's only so much,
I can contain,
Within the hands, I've cupped,

How long can I hold?
my cupped hands,
In time I'll grow tired and weak,

Letting go, inevitable,
time will tell,
trickle free, from my cupped hands.
Riley Oct 2019
Today I am consumed.

The monster is ready to
feast–Everything
is coming to a head
and I’m running from it.

This road always looks new;
my brain doesn’t know how to navigate it
and it’s catching up to me,
it always does.

I can not run forever.
He will not let me.

Like I said,

I am consumed.

The monster will
always
have me in it’s grip.
I may escape but do not
be tricked
as I have been,
it is not real.

The monster is purposeful.

It likes to let me go so
that it can play games.
It’s favorite game plays
with freedom.

Or freedom plays with me.

But that is not the game
we are playing
this time.

Today is about being
consumed.
It’s running until you’re cornered
or your legs give out

or both.

I try to hide but
the thoughts and feelings
inside me
are loud.
The monster can hear
them.
The monster can always
hear them.

It’s like they call for him
sometimes–tired
of this fake game of
escape.

It’s like he’s almost
comforting.
Like he’s better than this
treacherous road to
freedom.

I am familiar with him.
And he is familiar with me
and that is why he finds me.

I’d like to say that it hurts
when he consumes me
but it doesn’t.

It’s gentle,
loving

almost.

It’s familiar;
something known.

I forget he’s even there
sometimes. But
next time he let’s me out
I will run again. Because
no matter how gentle,
no matter how loving,

he scares me.

And he has always scared me.

You would have to meet
him to understand
but his eyes are sunken
and his teeth are sharp.

He could **** me and I
know
he wants to.

He tries sometimes

but that’s when I escape
again.
Because I don’t want to
die.

He’s comforting and
I’ll always be found or
I’ll always come back but
I don’t want to die.

And so I’ll let him
consume me
but I can’t let him **** me.
Levi Oct 2019
The sun comes up each morning
Every time the same
Yet it is so beautiful

Waves roar almost on repeat
Only subtle are the differences
Though it easily draws me in

Clouds drift in the sky at such a slow pace
Having little care for shape or form
But can entertain humans for generations

Why am I so worried?
Oculi Oct 2019
While plucking feathers, while plucking feathers
The black tar envelops my unmanly sigh
A cigarette in the moon's light with a stranger
And the howling of an unsightly beast

While plucking feathers, while plucking feathers
The fog obscures everything in sight
I'm questioning the night sky on its numbers
The forest looks in disgust and curiosity

While plucking feathers, while plucking feathers
I'm bleeding out, I'm bleeding out
While plucking feathers, my ear drum pops
I say my goodbye and flap my bare wings

An ornate door leads to the mausoleum
A huge crack showing the entrance of grave robbers
The youths wander inside to belittle their ancestors
And my ballad softly floats above the ground

While plucking feathers, while plucking feathers
The young man rests near his anvil
Opening his book of poetry on an empty page
Only to find the blood of the martyr seeping

While plucking my feathers
Will the youth remember my name?
Will I be forgotten as a nameless man?
Or will I be the poet of the next century?

Pluck my feathers or don't!
Pluck my feathers or don't!
Pluck my feathers or don't!

But do not forget me and the steps which I took
Do not forget my babbling, my bish and my bosch
Do not forget my gifts, you, receiver of blessing
Pluck them rhythmically, slave, rhythmically

My feather falls, slowly to the ground
It is the last of its kind
And as my breaths draw to a close
The children laugh gleefully
Unknowing the end is near
Extinction on my name once and for all
Pluck my feathers no more, slave,
I've just blood to give.
Ars poetica.
Creator Sun Sep 2019
Hold on to that thought
To that object, to that lot.

Keep trying, keep living
Keep doing what you love.
Something, anything
That keeps your mind above.

That doesn't make you sad,
That doesn't make you cry.

That doesn't start the cutting,
The dying and the lies.
Something, anything,
That makes you keep breathing.

Clutch that last straw with all your heart,
Your mind, you soul, oh all so broken apart.

Your bones are shattered
And your will is fractured.
Your mind is mutilated
And your heart has ruptured.

Black and white.
The colours of the sky.

They make me want to fly,
Soar so high
Above, so that I will never have to
Come down again.

For though my body is broken, my mind is free;
And that's the object that I sought to keep.
Random word generator gave me 'keep' outta many different words and I just guess that I did freeform and a bit of rhyming. The poem is a bit depressing yet uplifting at the same time and I don't know if anyone else enjoys bittersweet poems.
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