Consistently inconsistent,
Sometimes still and at times turbulent.
In ruins, is this cosmic connection,
All this drama- a mere fiction.
All that is, is and is my making,
A higher truth , I thought I was seeking.

An epiphany, and I transcended,
Into a realization, that it ended.
Long-long ago, its time eclipsed,
Dreaming away, real time, I’d missed.

Like the highs and lows of an ocean,
You’ve always been, an unrest emotion.
Determined, is the way to be,
This Drama - no-more, can I see.

Through the tyranny of my mind,
I have been trying to escape,blind.
I see you now, for what you’ve been,
An absent figure - washed clean .

So fade away, my love,
Fade away, into an abyss.
Fragments that are left of you,
Take them all , old and new.

I'm in the bar
With all my friends
We're smiling
Laughing
Drinking
Telling stories
Sharing opinions
It's a great night
I'm trying to say something
But I get interrupted
I'm trying to say something
But I get interrupted
I'M TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING
but i get interrupted
The night goes on
The bar is full
People are getting louder
Trying to talk over the next loud person
My friends and I go outside
We are laughing
Telling jokes
Singing
Cheers go on and on
I try to say something
But I get interrupted
I try to say something
But I get interrupted
I TRY TO SAY SOMETHING
but i get interrupted
The night is coming to an end
People are leaving
Tabs are being paid
Some aren't ready to go
Other are tossed
My friends and I plan are next move
Some say come to my place
Others have work
Some are going for a walk
I try to say something
And my friend says what
I look down
Forgetting what was so important
I look up
"Oh nothing, it was just a bit crowded in there, thats all"
We all laugh in agreement

I do find it rather funny how quick one can forget
Something that felt oh so important.
The first day of school.
The score of a football game.
The sound of her voice.

Her melodies no longer play through my mind
My ears no longer perk up like a dog to the thought of her words.
I can’t hear her anymore.
And I can’t decide which side of the coin I’d rather be looking at.

Tinted lips
cat eye frames
peached cheeks
eye candy
calling me
coming over
and crying through
hues glistening
on my screen
are you listening?
coffee mouth
on my skin
is this blush enough
to hide the train of thought
smiles arriving too late
and we see face to face
new sinking streams
with you leading
to my dreams
droplets of liquor
wise demeanor
I can count all day
new twitching lights
returning the feeling
watching over me
fading stains
of blood and rain

i had you
and it was nothing

i held you
heart wrenching

how do you say your name?
how do you sound when you laugh?

i can't access these memories anymore

I could write you a letter every day
Instead I filled every May with letters of the alphabet:
A time came for passing through road side inns and
Beaches where you stroked every grain of sand from the
Corners of my face I hid my smiles ensewn on your
Designs to play with my hair stained with sweat and
Every sweet word and edge of your books cutting through my
Faint heart for friends that needed fixing
Grunge rock, emo punk screaming through lungs
Halting for a beat on your eardrum
Inconsistent dates, intolerant of my sarcasm because you are
Jokes made on table tops, bingeing on laughter until I threw up,
Keeping score of words, broken promises and mistakes,
Looking at everything wrong with staying but
Maintaining the balance of a smile and ugly crying at night,
Nicotine in every breath I am consumed in
On top of you on a bench or a bedside table we were
Poetry half-baked excuses so I don't
Question everything we risked to stay, stay alive
Remembering long walks and feeling infinite and the
Same soulmate-seeking sentiment,
Temerity served with every glass of alcohol and
Understanding why you woke up just to fall out of love with
Vicious cycles you can't keep up with getting tired of me but
Who knew things transpired to make way for
Exes and hoes to keep up the act of all the temporary.
Your happiness is above mine but yesterday, remember
Zigzag lines and lies never to coincide
Daydreams and delusional memories
to be replaced with
watching me see who you really are for the first time
as you look through someone else's eyes and feed
her temporary smiles that fill the void
Making it out to a vision of me you can't replace
the taste, the touch, the haste to forget
Like counting backwards and shapeshifting.
Three words that will never mean anything.
Two anxiety attacks per week.
Once we were real and pure
but pitch black and we are back to
Zero.