my room, late at night when fear scratches the back of my skull the way my dog does to get in. he can't come in, he'll make me soft, and I can't be soft right now. flames ****** the walls, lapping up my arms and fingers, I feel nothing, and yet I'm overjoyed. See, burning love reaches further, so with this, I have to prove. I'll scar your name into unwanted flesh until I'm nothing but a sign portraying a name unable to properly be voiced in fear of crumbling. I cannot do this anymore, all of your apologies mean nothing to me, and yet I still love you. I swore I'd never be with someone like him again, and yet here I am crying in your jacket, which has somehow become a better consultant. I'm tired of not being good enough, and yet you tell me I am, then snap, and then apologize for it, you blame it all on others, you say you're sorry I deal with it- YOU DO NOTHING TO CHANGE IT. I want to tell you that I'm done, but I'm not and you know it. Even if I were to block you again, you could win me back easily. Why am I like this? why can't you love me? don't say that you do, God please say that you do, but we all know you don't. Why lie to me? to keep me here? it's working. but why? Why me? you couldn't have tortured anyone else? I love you so much, why did you listen to my pain and decide to do it all over again, please I am so tired of hurting, why won't you love me, what do I need to fix?
