No, it doesn't happen
Through secret glances
And shy smiles

Nor does it happen
When you gaze into ones
Deep crystal eyes

It doesn't happen
In the midst of flashlights
Or romantic background music

It happens
When you see deep within
Ones soul
Not just the window
But the whole house of emotions

It happens
When he grows meadows of daisies
Inside the ugliest parts of you

It happens
When he caresses your tear stained face
In 2 in the morning
And holds you like you're gold

It happens
When you're upset over him
Not being there for your little fits

It happens
When the suitcases under your eyes
Are packed
With thoughts of him
And only him

It happens
When you're too young
To fully comprehend
What the universe holds for you and him
But what if
At a tender age of fifteen
You know he's the one?
The one
That holds the perfect fit
To your broken soul

It happens
When you least want it to

i ran away from home
when i was fifteen for two
weeks, packing blue knee-highs
and makeup i would never
use, and fell into
the mantra of not knowing
where i was going but
the apathy wrestling inside
of me said it never mattered
so long as i was
free

A text from a friend:* "When you die, will it matter whether you loved or hated? When the world does not exist, will it matter whether you lived a good life or sliced open your throat at fifteen?"

My friends all love philosophy
So forgive me if this seems a monstrosity
To say that the constant cut you feel
Is a wound that you can heal

(let me explain)

When you stab a knife into your heart
Tearing your own world apart
Because you can't bear that every day
You mean nothing to those worlds away

You will bleed out on the floor or sand
Gun or knife in your own hand
Hurt so much more than you thought you would
Then you're gone, darling, gone for good

(bear with me here)

Someone will find you, family or friend
Because if you're missing, who else would they send?
And I *promise you to the end of their days
They will walk around with an empty haze
Over their heart and mind and body and soul
Never forgiving themselves, always so cold
For not talking you out of it, for being too late,
And darling, let's get one thing straight

(Only you could every forgive them, and you're gone, aren't you?)

And pardon me if this sounds strange,
But there's one thing more that'll never change
A ghost of you will always be
In everything they touch, everything they see
Because those who loved you once and love you still
Have known you then and always will
And that little ghost will stab them in the heart
Whether they're near or far apart

(Who ever thought you could be haunted by a memory?)

And as for the love and of course, the hate
Let me take a moment to calculate
Because by the (very) young age of just fifteen
It is impossible, unheard of, completely unseen
For you to not have saved one life
Helped heal someone, brought them out of strife

(And you're so young. What about when you're thirty? Sixty? Ninety?)

And of course, there's that one person out there
That special someone, the one who infinitely cares
Let me ask this, did you ever think
That by killing yourself, in just a blink
You're taking that joy, happiness, and love
Only you could give or even dream of
Past, present, and future, you are the only one
Who could love like that and their heart won

(They will only ever have the chance to be content. Content is not the same as happy.)

So to my friends who love philosophy
Forgive me if this seems a monstrosity
But we aren't meant to matter to the universe itself
Humans are meant to matter to someone else
We mean so much more in all the little ways
Who cares if our name becomes a holiday?

(You are made up of little bits and pieces that make life worth living. Don't ever tell me that you don't matter.)

Good Morning America
Act Now!
For today the price is right.
Our American idols have been conveniently portioned and pre-packaged for your enjoyment.
The wheels of fortune have turned in our favor,
laying us down in our warm beds of satisfaction.
Dreaming of the X-factor that will give us our
fifteen minutes

A girl,
no more than sixteen
and pregnant
strives to be a top model.
Overexposed and underdeveloped
barely able to read or write,
she is paraded in front of a camera and lights.
And the studio exec will keep cuttin' those paychecks
as long as you keep tuning in for another
fifteen minutes

The education can wait until the spotlight fades
who needs class mates when you got fans,
as long as those lights keep flashing on your fame, you got another
fifteen minutes

Dearest. The canopy alike. A breath, it walks from my lips and into the quiet of this desert. I am only eyes The infinite mind. Inflammable and still up in question. Life burns up the soul of man like nothing else. There is only the space between ego and humility that matters. My feet tread lightly, the mirth of my moor, the hill where I rise in the day, every day I climb awake and champion the music of the sun, its billions of hearts and eyes. Two years younger and I thought I owned this. Beauty. Love. Where does it come from? Out of the pages of a book or between the bindings of its casing? This mesmerizing charm light splitting the lines of my hands and my feet and my face. I wear it with me like a child's toy into the city when I go, the country where I sleep. I prayed for your wellness, took you by car into the pastures beyond the mountains overlooking the ocean, into the high points of the low and verdant valleys where the cows and horses fed on fertile grapeleaves and wild grasses. Nearly the wind took us to sea. Hot sand beaches where we laid in low tide and let the water spread among our limbs until we couldn't tell where you ended or I began, where our breaths tasted the same. I make you in my hand. Eat you from the tips of my fingers. One is the beach and the day, where I prayed to let your weight never be taken from me, that I should carry you through the softness of the sea and through its shadowy empires. Man becomes invincible, his beast disappears, only the blue of his eyes remain. The black of his pupil is the oil that makes us all the same. And the round world floats its children through its kingdoms so that they may eat until the sunlight touches their eyes again. Your hands on my teeth, in my mouth, against my head. I could not have been closer unless I lived inside of you. Time takes all of the words out of history and leaves only the faces and landscapes. A glint of redolent flower that swept through the air, or a hot meal that drew the day long. I am only your eyes. Blue and green. The jazz of you in my spine, against my chest, your hands piercing through my chest past my ribs and holding my plum red heart in your tiny fingers, upright and firm, sharing every breath. The sea that is my sister your brother, that is my mother your father, that opens the soul and lets the sky blue sky weep its tepid orange sunlight deep into our pores. I am never richer nor poorer in the milk wet silver light of the winter moon. What would you have of me to do? A walk of bare feet through the pinetum? An antiquary in the empire of romance?  So many hands I have brought to my face. So many words I've took to my pen. These are the names that take me from you. The space between insatiable lust so many states far away. I dream of your crown of gold on a Saturday, we walked Goethe in the Summer, seven months and fifteen days ago.

"Tomorrow"
Tomorrow passes- Now yesterday
"Tomorrow" he says to his sons.
Then-*
        Tomorrow never comes.