I hear whispers,
In the night.
Somebody lurking,
Far away
Or are they,
Very close?
Paranoid,
Hanging crosses on doorknobs.
But does even Christ,
Have the power to protect me from things unreal?
Staring into the dark,
Fatigue eating at me.
Trying to be quiet,
So whatever is out there won't hear me breathe.

Dreams take me back,
To dark winter woods.
Howling winds,
I swear I saw it.
I swear it's real.

I wanted to spread my fragrance like
Flowers do. Nothing I did wrong. Just
Strive to make me stronger enough.

Don't know where and why it ***** you,
As the way I am living my dream. You
Started to knit the invisible web of
Despise and slander for me with words.

Without any real facts your defaming
Words made my dreams full of
Nightmares and screams. I started
Fearing to consume which I adore.


My fragrance become poisionus gas
For my ownself to swallow tarped in your
Pointless whispers. Still, Do I need to let
You decide my life? No, Not any longer.

I am going to spurn your bruits
with my
Smile. Make you long for the thing which
Now you despise by achieving my triumph
As I wage a war of one, My armaments
Can't fail me now.

Some nights
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
And in His mercy,
let me die as I sleep.

But instead
He fills me with His view of reality
And in His mercy
He brings me His peace.

I was trembling and sweating
Heart beating like drums,
Pulsating through your ears and body
Tingling vibration in my skin
Chills walking on my spine
Darkness loomed my mind
The cowardice had taken over me
Provoking my deepest anxieties
The demands of courage are different from what I envisioned
Different from that bright morning, when I felt brave

I used to **** my stomach in,
Till my lungs would ache and split,
Then I learned to pull my muscles up,
And I'd find a better fit.

I learnt from magazines,
and TV shows,
The things that told us,
To always shrink, to never grow.

I learnt from my mother and my sister,
Who would sit and pinch their thighs,
With a sigh and a shriek,
About needing to go down a size.

I became obsessed,
But not with food, wine, or shopping,
My obsession was with the fat under my skin,
Growing fast and never stopping.

I became obsessed with numbers,
Numbers even though I hated math,
People telling me to stop, to eat,
The voices in my head would clash.

I feared that I would grow,
But also I would shrink,
Fingers trailing gaunt on skin,
My madness slipping from the brink.

I feared that I wouldn't wake up,
The next morning, the next week,
But I couldn't stop myself from finding,
The skinny I'd always seek.

I'm not fat, I know I'm not,
And I know weight does not define me,
But I see the bone, I strive to see it more,
Without bone what would I be?

And I say unto thee, wearily
I know not when it will end
The realm of darkness, a growing sphere
Where times lies down to spend
     Exalted standers, enter near
In the same mystical space as I
But Lo! The horizon does approacheth
Over-all they do or ever did try
     Loudly I say, how do I perceive it?
The True Greatness that occupies...
A blessed vision, they do not think of
Though it looms before their eyes
     I yell unto thee, fearful
Warning you and beings to surrender
I cannot look down and ignore the darkness
So be it, I shall, forever