ℑ'𝔪 𝔞𝔰𝔥𝔞𝔪𝔢𝔡 𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔱 ℑ 𝔟𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔞𝔪𝔢 𝔞𝔦𝔯 𝔞𝔰 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔭𝔢𝔬𝔭𝔩𝔢,
𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔬𝔫𝔢𝔰 𝔴𝔥𝔬 𝔩𝔦𝔢 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔪𝔞𝔫𝔦𝔭𝔲𝔩𝔞𝔱𝔢 𝔧𝔲𝔰𝔱 𝔱𝔬 𝔤𝔢𝔱 𝔴𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔶 𝔡𝔬𝔫'𝔱 𝔡𝔢𝔰𝔢𝔯𝔳𝔢.

𝔄𝔰𝔨𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔥𝔢𝔩𝔭 𝔦𝔰 𝔫𝔬𝔱 𝔟𝔞𝔡, 𝔟𝔲𝔱 𝔪𝔞𝔨𝔢 𝔰𝔲𝔯𝔢 𝔶𝔬𝔲'𝔯𝔢 𝔫𝔬𝔱 𝔟𝔢𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔱𝔬𝔬 𝔪𝔲𝔠𝔥.
𝔥𝔞𝔳𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔞 𝔡𝔢𝔭𝔱𝔥 𝔦𝔰 𝔫𝔬𝔱 𝔟𝔞𝔡, 𝔞𝔰 𝔩𝔬𝔫𝔤 𝔞𝔰 𝔪𝔞𝔨𝔢 𝔰𝔲𝔯𝔢 𝔱𝔬 𝔯𝔢𝔭𝔞𝔶.

𝔇𝔬𝔫'𝔱 𝔤𝔢𝔱 𝔪𝔢 𝔴𝔯𝔬𝔫𝔤 ℑ 𝔞𝔦𝔫'𝔱 𝔠𝔲𝔯𝔰𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔶𝔬𝔲, ℑ 𝔧𝔲𝔰𝔱 𝔭𝔦𝔱𝔶 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔬𝔩𝔡 𝔤𝔞𝔩 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔥𝔞𝔳𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔞 𝔣𝔞𝔪𝔦𝔩𝔶 𝔩𝔦𝔨𝔢 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔤𝔲𝔶𝔰...𝔩𝔦𝔳𝔢 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔬𝔴𝔫 𝔩𝔦𝔣𝔢 𝔭𝔯𝔬𝔲𝔡 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔦𝔫𝔡𝔢𝔭𝔢𝔫𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔩𝔶, 𝔩𝔦𝔳𝔢 𝔨𝔫𝔬𝔴𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔨𝔢𝔭𝔱 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔡𝔦𝔤𝔫𝔦𝔱𝔶, 𝔩𝔦𝔳𝔢 𝔱𝔬 𝔪𝔞𝔨𝔢 𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔩𝔦𝔳𝔢 𝔩𝔬𝔫𝔤𝔢𝔯 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔫𝔬𝔱 𝔩𝔦𝔳𝔢 𝔰𝔬 𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔰𝔥𝔢 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔡 𝔪𝔞𝔨𝔢 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔤𝔲𝔶𝔰 𝔣𝔲𝔩𝔩𝔢𝔯.

𝔗𝔬 𝔪𝔶 𝔤𝔯𝔞𝔫𝔡𝔪𝔬𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔴𝔥𝔬 ℑ 𝔩𝔬𝔳𝔢 𝔰𝔬 𝔡𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔩𝔶,
       ℑ 𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔫𝔨 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔞𝔩𝔩 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔥𝔞𝔳𝔢 𝔤𝔦𝔳𝔢𝔫, 𝔟𝔲𝔱 ℑ 𝔰𝔴𝔢𝔞𝔯 𝔫𝔬𝔱 𝔬𝔫𝔩𝔶 𝔱𝔬 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔟𝔲𝔱 𝔞𝔩𝔰𝔬 𝔱𝔬 𝔪𝔶𝔰𝔢𝔩𝔣 𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔴𝔥𝔢𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔱𝔦𝔪𝔢 𝔠𝔬𝔪𝔢 ℑ 𝔴𝔦𝔩𝔩 𝔩𝔦𝔳𝔢 𝔭𝔯𝔬𝔲𝔡𝔩𝔶 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝐼𝒩𝒟𝐸𝒫𝐸𝒩𝒟𝐸𝒩𝒯𝐿𝒴... 𝔩𝔦𝔳𝔢 𝔩𝔬𝔫𝔤𝔢𝔯 𝔱𝔬 𝔴𝔞𝔱𝔠𝔥 𝔪𝔢 𝔪𝔞𝔨𝔢 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔭𝔦𝔢𝔯.

In a simpler time
I watched a raging fire
As it swallowed every home
All except my own

With the passing years
New houses appeared
While mine began to fade
Crumble and decay

Today I returned
To the street that burned
One empty block lay bare
Where my home used to stand

I felt suddenly compelled
To rebuild what time had felled
A house of stone and clay
That time could not erase

I came home alone
To a house I didn’t know
I touched the wooden walls
The space felt cold and small
It smelled of childhood
And I thought of firewood

Hacker *****!
Ruining my life with your wit
And knowledge,
Lovely sound of real life expecting you...
Lovely, lovely.
How do you like my share of condescendence?
_Couldn't we simply understand each other? Children wishing for a better world. _

Oh, well! If you couldn't take me as your greatest admirer!

on the route of longing, i met you
don't know where you are now; where are you?
my hands are covered with silver sweat
and i am looking for a soul mate

how long will we overlook each other?
at which day will we unite like halves
that become an entirely new creature?
in the moment of sweet oblivion...

the streets are overfilled with ***** beings
are you one of them? are we two of them?
i'm looking for unreal love, you know
just for an idea, maybe for a mate

the difference is located in our greed
the golden lion with the twinkling mane
was roaring me into the land of dreams
is this a correct sentence in english?

can you help me to find you? how?
it's unbearable to be lonely
isolation is a grey, howling wolf
an animal, too close to me, go away

of longing and greed is this poem
its first part revolved about drugs
the second part is about you, babe
if i could only spot you in the masses

will we arrive together at the beach?
you know, in this old hut, close to the waves
it's always warm there, baby, every day
a nice place for kids; an arrival's place

Mum says “light a candle, burn some incense”
but mum my inner sense is the only thing stopping me from burning myself to the ground because I can’t stand the light anymore.

Nan says “your'e too bright to be depressed”
but the bright sparks that flicker of a memory that is dark, and the flame only reminds me that everybody I love is someday gonna die.
But mum..... nan...... i’m not afraid of the dark, that’s the problem.

It’s hard to have fun when i don't feel like having fun.
Don’t get me wrong it’s not that i don’t want to go to the party,
I WANT to go to the party,
but i’m stuck in an abusive relationship with depression and anxiety and they talk me out of going.
Cancel plans last minute, making up a physical illness,
because "sorry I'm too depressed to see u" sounds utterly ridiculous.

my brain started to rot,
with the thoughts that i dare not word,
the etchings and carvings of my trauma that i wish to never return,
and as life grips my throat,
the shaky breaths fail to escape my chapped lips,
drowning under the oceans anchored and below my sunken eyes,
with this weariness, i try to strive to see a world that loves me just the same,

and as my heart beats, falters, and persists,
despite all odds, determination fills my veins,
with aged scars, blackened burns, scarred scratches,
representing times i wish to forget,
the reminders are scorched into memories i like to pretend that never existed,
alongside the fact that my family did not foster a holy bond,

and, if any angels are near me,
them, as my witnesses,
can confide in that they only noticed spilled blood my own father admitted he never cared to see, the permanent cuts bound to my thick skin,
as i gazed into each slice,
wholeheartedly believing my blade would cut me from the ropes they ensnared upon my everloving entity

with the fury of the sun,
at the top of his tar-stained lungs,
he accused me of his premature death,
due to the stress of my illnesses he neglected to heal,
both still living with no regrets of the abuses he inflicted into my kin,
and the apple did not fall far from the tree,
similar sinisterness struck into my being
by the sinners i am expected to call my gracious home,

i am no angel,
and if god is cruel,
then you are the devil,

i am no savior,
no fallen child,
no messiah,
no hero from the stories that are my sanctuary,
just a wanderer, a journeyer, an existence that will cease,

and no matter who i am seen as,
and no matter how long i live,
and no matter my death date,
i will tell myself what you never will:
i am made of love,
i am made of light,
i am made of hope,
and i am a star that will never stop shining, even after my supernova
and as i become stardust, or rather dark matter,
the blurring of a century, if i am lucky enough, will fade into space,
and hopefully, if i am fortunate, another sweet, sincere, sorrowful soul will turn their eyes to the midnight sky,
and smile in the comfort that there is genuine happiness and beauty in this godforsaken world, even if it is lightyears away,
a keepsake of my soul, yearning my deepest desire, to be what i only hoped for anyone who so wishes,
though, especially endeared by those i love,
for i cannot gift it to myself, knowing the circumstances of life does not discriminate,
i want to love you forever,
but i cannot; our gravesites are as eventual as our smiles,
and, even, if for a moment,
couldn't it last forever...?

It’s been so long since I last saw you
Since I heard your voice
We had to throw out some of your clothes
They were getting old
And we’re moving house
Somewhere new
Somewhere where there’s not as many memories of you
They’re hard to escape in the house you lived
The place you left us.

My whole life will have passed by until we meet again
And that’s a long time
My old friend.

I asked her where did you buy the Bob Dylan collage from
You made it apparently
Well then, I must have got it from you
I’ve made so many collages too

I found your bookmark
So I know you were reading about death
I guess you were wondering what was going to happen next
I hope you weren’t worried
It made me worried
Worrying about you
Hoping you weren’t scared about what you were going through

I think we would have got on so much better these days
Back then you thought I was going through a wayward phase

Another day passes
Another moment in time
And I know I will see you again
When the time is right.

If I could write a love song to myself,
My younger self,
Because it’s the most important relationship I’ll ever have,
I’d say

Dear Gracie,
I know you are in love with love,
But stay true to who you are.
Your heart is strong, gold, pure.
Don't let young boys break it.
The one meant for you is a long walk
down California’s golden coast,
But, beautiful girl,
He’s waiting for you patiently.
I don’t know what he is like,
I have not met him yet,
But, dearest Gracie,
I know he will make you laugh, and
He will hold you when you cry, and
He will name the shapes in the sky, and
He will pick you up when you fall down, and
He will make you feel like you can fly.

Dear Gracie,
Do not give up hope.
Darling, I know you are in love with love
So, love
Yourself.

If I could write a love song to my younger self,
I’d say,
Dear Gracie,
When you are sad,
Keep writing letters to your friends
To let them know you will always
Be there for them.
Oh Gracie,
When you cry
Keep writing poems
Because they give you life,
In the early hours of the morning after.
Oh Gracie,
When you are happy,
Grab all your friends
And run around in the sun.
Oh Gracie,
It is okay that you feel intensely,
It means that you love so deeply.
Oh Gracie,
It is okay if you do not want to look
At yourself in the mirror,
Know that you are surrounded by people
Who love your figure.
Oh Gracie,
In the shower
Sing at the top of your lungs
And it is okay if you don’t stop
To smell the flowers.
Oh Gracie,
Take all the pictures because someday
You will miss the way your friends
Smiled, and the way
that dinner tasted.

If I could write a love song to my younger self,
I’d say
Dear Gracie,
Keep writing your big dreams
On post-it notes,
And putting them up in your window.
Look in the mirror.
Smile, you are beautiful, darling,
I know you do not always feel it.
But you are.
Oh honey,
To me you always are.


Oh Gracie,
Be nice to your sister
Because someday
You will miss the way
She is so much funnier than you.
Oh Gracie,
My dearest, my darling, Gracie,
Be yourself because someday,
You will miss you too.

I I could write a love song to my younger self,
I’d say
Dear Gracie,
Please be yourself
Because no one else is like you.
Oh Gracie,
Please be yourself
Because I love you.
Oh Gracie,
Please be yourself
Because someday
(Hopefully before your blond hair turns white with speckles of grey,)
you will love yourself too.

If I could write a love song to my younger self,
I’d say,
Dear Gracie,
I love you.
You are right where you need to be.