Talking to a friend
Then suddenly the conversation came to an end
Hiding behind a backpack
So proposed is a back-track
We rise, leave the area
Leave behind unexpressed hysteria

Prompted as to why
So, admittedly trembling, I try
To tell the tale
That I try to leave stale
Alas, all is well
When I tell
About that day a year ago
Gesturing to places here and there, almost show
What happened in that time long,
Yet not so long, ago

Start
In part
From what I knew
Like a picture I drew
Painting my memories
Now almost...dare I say ease
A heaviness left
Was heft
From my weary shoulders
Like the moving of boulders
I could finally breathe

Letting a little ray of light
Shine bright
On one of my darkest days
For so long it says
Until it is gone over so much
That such
Is lesser than what it used to be
Tell me what I'm supposed to see

Flashes, flashes,
Forces into my head, dashes
Into the moments between
Like replaying a movie scene
Only it's just momentarily visible
Making one wish they were invisible
A cry;
"Take me from this - for when I try,"
"All I can do is run and cry."

But another being able to say
It's okay
Telling me I'm not so alone
Don't have to drone
Is pleasant

Though I've told my tale
Pierced the veil
This was...comforting
Then, in parting
Was left with a tranquility

One small moment of peace
When pain would not cease
Was nice
When not even the music would suffice

- Jay M
March 7th, 2020

just because i'm speechless
doesn't mean i don't know how i feel
it's just that i can't put it in words
for you to understand
my broken english
i don't know, i just
i mean its
sometimes i wish
i never meant for it
to happen
y'know?
of course you don't
you never do

It's been one of those days,
Where I don't quite feel
Human.
Those days where my brain is elsewhere.

Like it's in the supermarket,  
And my bodies woken up in the car
Almost sure where it is.

Like I've just sat down,
And my brain's not sure where to sit.

Like I've lost track of how many drinks I've had,
But I can tell you I've been drunk 4 nights this week.

A ceiling made of glass, why can't they let me be,
feast upon someone else's bones,
I do what they wished they could,
Their envy only frees me.

I act on natural instincts,
they are caged among gentlemen
Who are bigger freaks than I ever will be
they hide it well.

At least I am obvious

Just smile.
Mine's a little cracked, but its OK. People get the idea.
I'm "happy".
Just smile.
Everything's gonna be OK.
Just as long as you keep smiling.
Just keep on smiling, its better than explaining whats wrong.
Just smile.
It'll hide everything.
Just remember, its a show they'll love, its just for them.

Love, Heartbreak, etc; the never-ending cycle.

I was about to outline the phases of the cycle of love, including all the casualties and all the bliss, but then I realized that would be way too long and monotonous. So bear with me as I try to summarize the cycle.

Except, you can't summarize love, that’s like trying to give someone the general idea of a song by humming it, but not actually singing the lyrics.

Here’s how it is. You never know what your happiest moment in a relationship is. You just simply will never know at that very moment, you will only know the peak of your happiness once it has passed. That is because we tend to assume that our happy levels will just continue to rise once you find “the one.” And unfortunately, it doesn't always work that way.

I don’t exactly know what love is. Maybe it’s the way the tiny scar on your lip made me laugh while we kissed. Or maybe it’s the way you sass me whenever I’m acting like a ****. Or, maybe the way you drive me absolutely insane, yet I still want to spend as much time as I can with you. Somehow all the love songs, all the poems, and all the blue skies reminded me of you. And, get this, all the rainy days, songs about getting over you, and blank walls also remind me of you.

It’s like you just can’t escape. But I’m starting to think that maybe love itself isn’t what hurts, it’s the way it’s thrown around, the way it’s abused that causes the real pain.

But in all reality, I still don’t know what love is. I’ve never really had that example couple to look up to. I’m completely unaware of what love looks like. Maybe that’s why I struggle to find it.

8:25pm
I fear when people ask me how i feel
I could sit you down for hours, days
And explain how I've felt everything
All at once
Could explain how there's times I cry to much or myself to sleep
Could explain how i smile and sometimes it's real and sometimes it is not
Could explain that fear eats me whole and that i am constantly paranoid
That my future scares me
Could explain when there are times i do not feel loved or when i feel alone
I feel to much lately these feelings are becoming numb
And i do not have anyone to ask me how i feel, so I'll continue to keep this bottled and until then I'll explain it to myself.

Dark curtains struggle against our difference
but she loves a sense of justice that never sleeps
caught out of the light when now I glimpse her face
sending me tearing shadows down in disbelief

I see her dancing nights away in moonshine rays
intoxicated by a love that beckons then slips past me
how much I long to kiss better that shimmering fay
but elusive to my calls embrace a fleeting tricky sky

Hope gathers up her trail in the pure instincts of desire
again and again my seeking hands caress a fragment
the search faltering sadly at her twinkling dressed figure
sure only that my lips could starry press together fate

Then we met standing under a bridge's forgiving side
on a bend with the wind splashing a hot moon over
fusing sought and lashed to hug her pools of eyes
I dry them and replenish.. oh.. how cool is our love