I go to sleep tired
and wake up exhausted.
But I still carry on each day as normal
and pretend that I'm okay,
so you don't have to feel this way.

- Keeping to myself to protect all else

I lie awake
awaiting sleep
I lie in wait
For a moment's peace

But this restless energy will not leave me be
No wide yawns or heavy lids will come to set me free

"Sleep, sleep"
I whisper, in tune to my heart beat
"Drink me"
The coffee at my bedside tempts me

I close my eyes and start to count sheep
"Sleep, sleep" I whisper softly

"**** it" I eventually groan
reaching for my coffee

You say I'm running from myself
I guess you're right
Maybe I am
All I know is that the reason
I hear my heartbeat so clearly
Is because my chest is hollow

I am made up of layers
Too many layers
As if my skin
Was preparing to survive
Out in dead winter at the South Pole

I'm annoying
  I'm distrustful

    I'm stubborn
       And I'm doubtful

           And secretive

Maybe downright manipulative

   But most of all I'm exhausted

Exhausted of the nothingness
   That I float around in
Exhausted of everything
  That comes and goes
    Ensuring chaos
Exhausted of everything and nothing
  And all things in between
         Exhausted of
                     **living

My tears christen these sheets as my eyes stain these sleeves. The heart that was once part of me, lies on the frigid floor, beating it's last beat, desperately holding on. Your absence is felt throughout my body, my skin crawls and burns, my muscles ache. All life is being drained from my being, this temple is crashing. The one goddess I worshipped, taken away. The tremors, the pains, the pulsations, everything was happening, everything was ending. Everlasting euphoria that you so graciously gave me, slipping from my mind, being drowned out by this suffocating sadness. I grow weak in the knees, hearing them shatter as they hit the floor. My eyes wide, begging for help, begging for love. I can't go on without you. I glance at my heart, with my last breath I wish myself a goodnight as my heart suddenly stops.

I'm done. I'm just done.
I'm tired, of everything.

I'm tired of having to wake up early I c the cold thinking all I have to do today is survive.
Tired of feeling scared all the time.
Tired of being self conscious with everything I do.
Tired of feeling ugly, being ugly.
Tired of feeling lost.
Tired of these headaches me chest pains.
Tired of feeling like a failure.
Tired of feeling useless.
Tired OF EVERYTHING.
Tired of all the tear stain in my pillows.
Tired of feeling pathetic.
Tried of being a **** person.
Tired of feeling like a let down.

I'm just tired.

~ W.I.R

dreams,
two polar opposite dreams
somehow intertwined with each other.
mugged,
almost dying on the subway platform,
all my friends watching but doing nothing.
flowers,
a secret admirer too shy to engage in what could be love

wake up.
i, having a busy to do list,
wake up more tired than i was
when i fell asleep

running,
away from life.
i, being insanely depressed,
walk fast on a treadmill
staring into nowhere
listening to a podcast on the physiology of blood
not able to handle the one thing i loved that i had left.

waiting,
in line at the drug mart,
several people cut in front of me.
i did not stand up for myself like i usually would.

slowly
putting an energy drink up on the counter
"is everything ok?" the cashier asks with concern in her voice.
i, having headphones in one ear, instinctively say yes
thinking she asked me if i needed a bag.
i did not get a bag.

walking,
again, but this time slow,
already running a bit late for work.
I catch a bus.
i didn't need to but i ride it two stops and make it to work on time.

not terrible at work but not the best.
"it's been worse before" is an excuse i like to use.

walking,
again, but this time with no destination.

home.
stepping over my gym bag,
dropping everything on the floor,  
stepping over the other things i've been dropping on the floor.

i've become the person i hate.
the housekeeper with the messy house.
messy life,
emotions; no motivation to move on.

it's the end of the night
and nothing on my to do list gets done.
but, who can blame me,
i can't even breathe right anymore

You know that feeling?
When your're just waiting.
Waiting to get home, into your room,
close the door, fall into bed,
and just let everything out that you kept in all day.
That feeling of both relief and desperation.
Nothing is wrong.
But nothing is right either.
And you're tired.
Tired of everything, tired of nothing.
And you just want someone to
be there and tell you it's okay.
But no one is gonna be there.
And you know you have to be strong
for yourself, because no one can fix you.
But you're tired of waiting.
Tired of being strong.
And for once, you just want it to be easy.
To be simple. To be helped. To be saved.
But you know you won't be.
But you're still hoping.
And you're still wishing.
And you're still saying strong and fighting,
with tears in your eyes.
You're fighting.