I was crawling, with my swollen leg, towards Her.
She, with a bowl of rice, took me into her arms.
With my puffed belly, I reached the verandah.
My car was waiting for me, with one of its tyres nowhere to be seen.
I looked around for it, worried.
My screams brought Her, running out of the house, to me.
She left me with a four-legged horse in my hands.
She kissed me and wiped away all the Tears.
She said, "My Raja Beta, I thought that Skillful Serpent stung you again."

A bathtub stands before me,
A trap waiting for its victim,
Who could that person be?

Unassuming, I get in
I'm met with pain in an instant:
Hot water scalds my skin.

All my bones melt like candy,
What did I do to deserve this?
Oh, vengeful water tell me, please!
When did I become your enemy?

Lord,
you tell me to serve you,
but I haven't heard even a whisper
about this path and purpose
you intend me to pursue.

God said
“love your enemies”
but he didn't tell us
what to do when it hurts,
when a piece of your heart it attached to every kind word and gesture
that then gets picked apart
and shredded into shards that shoot
right back at me.

Our Father affirms
how we must forgive our trespassers,
but he didn't tell us how to repair the damage,
how to stop being taken advantage of,
or how to stand up for ourselves.
He didn't tell us how to end the the cycles,
just how to continue them
by turning over your other cheek
and not withhold even your tunic.

Jesus preached
about how we should love our neighbors as ourselves,
but he didn't say what to do when you’re full of self-hate
or when nobody cares that you care about them
because they're too busy trying to get someone else's approval.

He also said
"Don't let your hearts be troubled”
but he didn't say what to do
when they don't listen to you,
when there's so much at stake,
when your world caves in,
when you're cast aside like dust
but the world still wants to much,
or when you're just not happy and you don't know why everything is so hard,

or when you're wide awake at night,
knowing
the ones you care about the most
could be on the verge of breaking
their skin.

Your life is an interrupted story,
No more than short-term blaze of glory.
It’s a metaphor that hits heavily,
‘Cause you’re your perfect mortal enemy.

Tunnel vision hides altered reality,
Your mind took up self-destructive morality,
Each feeling you’ve got is as deep as the ocean,
You lie to yourself that it cannot be poison.

When stars explode, the light is healing,
As it’s all dark you crush the ceiling.
You feel chills going down the spine,
You’re burning out, lost track of time.

And there’s no scream, it’s a silent battle.
It is vain to fix something that’s fatal.
You’ll never know why dead divine
Still haunts you and whispers: «You are borderline»

I wonder if it was you that was afraid
of the light
Or the light in you has completely faded
You chose chaos amongst the fight
And the fields of fire you've created
Still echoes every night
For all the lives you have taken


I wonder if it was you who ran away from us
Or the demons you secretly fed
Finally have taken you over
They misguided you from the right path
And you were so **** grateful


I'm not sure if I want to save you now
You went too far with your vengeance
That pit is no friend of mine
And you don't crave for salvation

I don't know if it's worth my time at all
Searching for a way to bring you back
You never leave a track
And I'm no hunter to be honest


Every tear that I have shed
Shredded the cosmic ocean
Every memory from the time we met
To our last became a wound
I should've treated with care


Tell me, do you still carry the love
You stole as a bittersweet memento
from our once joyful times?
Or you throw it away to vanquish
Your so-called enemies
Who were your family?


At last
I hope it left a savour taste
In your mouth, and I hope my face
To be the only thing you would
Never erase from your mind

That much you owe me,
Don't pretend that you forget
Because you can't compensate
For all mistakes you have made


And when everything come to an end,
I know, my name will drive you insane
The fields are now greener
I won't let them vanish again
And the rivers continue to flow,
Down to its destinations
The mountains flourish with life again
I've never seen them so lively
The vast skies are clearer than before
Not a single trace left of malice
And the sun is shining brighter,
You would've seen, if you only tried harder


If you weren't so blind and greedy for power
Then maybe you would've survived
And spared me the sorrow

Alas,
I wish the love you had for us
Broke through those walls
And reached you out sooner
Because the next time
We gaze into each others' eyes
Only one of us shall survive

30.10.2024

With these cold hands I write my symphony
With yours you've made yourself an enemy
And I sat and endured humility
Took the names and the liability.

I took it upon myself to curse and heal
I sat there and built a fever dream
Your words remembrance in my soul
A little fame from you I stole.

And perhaps I wanted you to be seen
In a light that was a little too mean
And I don't blame myself for the betrayal
Because I stood there a little too loyal.

And petty laughs I know you muffle
Ignorance in full throttle
We pray to the same deities but we do it differently
Are we to blame a deity
Or the society
For an unfair calamity
Id rather pretend to be
Almighty.