you bathe in your grief til it evaporates

i refuse to feel; i leave it cold and gray

that's how your sorrow slowly fades away

while mine just sinks deeper each day

you wash your wounds with tears at night

i refuse to even expose mine to light

you heal by drowning, i chose to stay

till the waters slowly take my breath away

drown
the human body is made up of water
more than half obviously
I guess that's why I always feel like im
drowning
in silence
all alone I'm,
sinking all the way to the bottom without realizing

I try to grasp reality again, but my mind falls short
Grief fills my lung
The waves swallow my cries
My heart flattened by the weight on my chest
And its pieces clogging my veins
The world goes dark

I wash ashore a shell of my former self

opened my heart once
after keeping everything in
years and years
filled to the brim
and now i'm spilled, entirely
maybe nobody
can be fully prepared
when the cracks in my heart
can no longer bear
all of its weight
the dam finally breaks
and i am the flood that drowns them
i am spilled, entirely
you see
victims of a flood
have the choice to leave
and i will be left here, still
caught in all the debris
spilled, entirely

I'm still ripping out my eye lashes
It makes me sad.
I lay and wonder about the woes I cast
and why I feel so bad.

Reflection is a tricky thing.
It can bring up so much, but is never-ending
Like the hyphen between never and ending
Reflection is a process that loops.

You can feel as if you're on top of the world
Once you've climbed out of a pit after reflecting...
only to fall into a ravine after taking a few steps outside instead of running.

The journey to healthy is a tough one.
I feel like I'm splashing in this gorge
Flapping and flailing around,
trying to escape and get warm

Overtime, I slow down more and more
until finally, I want to give up
Succumb to the bubbles...
and perhaps, never wash up.

Turbulent waves crashing over my head,
driving me down into the sand,
only a few yards from shore.

Alone, in the cold waters of the Pacific.
Another wave tumbles over me pulling me under, dragging me along the bottom.

Tumbling, I occasionally smash my head looking for which way is up.
Finally, I felt something to push off from
and sped headlong into the rocks.

Blackness enveloped me, then silence.
Nothing.
No more pain. Void. Senses have gone away.
Voiceless screaming, motionless thrashing.

It was then, as if my body exploded.
Electricity surges, ignites every hot nerve.
Uncontrolled convulsions and I retch ocean water,
blinding brightness and I can’t see anything.

Sharply, I gasp for air and flail about,
trying to find my way.
I feel a warmth touch me
“You’re okay. You’re alright.”

The brightness fading, frightening me. Shapes appeared. My entire body ached, and I felt a warmth, flow from between my fingertips.

I recognize faces around me, I smell salt in the air. My heart is pounding in my ear. I taste the sunshine on my lips. I couldn’t feel my fingers only warmth of them being held.

Euphoria and hot pain wash over me. I begin to feel my feet.
The adrenaline in my body subsides.
Foreboding, replaced by content.

I looked into her eyes as she held my hand.
“You asked, what it felt like, to love you.”
A pregnant pause with an
uncomfortable look.

“It feels like that.”