I didn’t drown cause my eyes was closed
I didn’t drown cause I allowed water into my nose
I didn’t drown cause I froze my lungs
I didn’t drown cause of the sad songs I’ve sung
I didn’t drown cause I was too deep in the ground
I didn’t drown cause I didn’t make a sound
I didn’t drown cause I used all my oxygen to sink to the bottom
I didn’t drown cause the world wasn’t fairyland and blossoms
I didn’t drown cause I licked the water off my lips
I didn't drown cause I lost my grip
I didn’t drown cause my mouth was filled with saltwater
I didn’t drown cause I couldn’t hold my breath longer
I didn’t drown cause I didn’t take the bridge
I didn’t drown cause I chose to keep swimming after seeing the dead bodies in the ditch
I didn’t drown cause I swam back to the sharks
that left me with many open marks
I didn’t drown cause I didn’t untie the block around my ankle
I didn’t drown cause I wasn’t a perfect angel
I drown in my depression i drown in my anger I drown in my own demons I drown in my own tears I drowned swimming in other people’s sea of expectations.
So that’s why I’m no longer here...

Nik
Drown me in the memory
Of your touch
On my body

Drown me in the memory
Of when it was a yes
Not a no

Drown me in the memory
Of being high
In your arms
With lovely kisses

Because I don't wanna drown
In the memories I have

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
Your arm around my neck
And your leg between mine
Forcing submission
Without permission

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
My nails digging into
The back of your hand
Doing anything I can
To remove it from behind

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
The emotionless expression
And lack of remorse
When you look at me as I lay
Hitting myself and screaming
Mentally in too much pain
As you never even said
"I'm sorry"

Monster
Drown me in the memory
Of when you were gone
And I was free to just
Be me

Drown me in the memory
Of all days I was away
At a friends place
Or camping peacefully

Drown me in the memory
Of when all you did was yell
And hit me
But never said you love me

Because I don't wanna drown
In the memories I have

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
All the nights I lay awake in wait
Waiting for you to come in
And use me as you please

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
All the times I'd avoid the shower
Because when I didn't
You had to come with

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
All the times you'd ask me
To come watch a movie
Because that wasn't all it was

Zeke
Drown me in the thought
Of meeting you again
And being happy
That you know me

Drown me in the thought
Of the movie theater
And hoping no one sees
As you mess around with me

Drown me in the thought
Of sneaking glances
And passionate kisses
Full of love

Because I don't wanna drown
In the memories I have

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
My no's going unheard
And never noticed
As I push you back

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
The pain as you forced your way
Inside of me
Into places I never wanted you to be

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
When I told you what happened
And all you said was
I'm sorry but that was a long time ago
And I never even heard you

To everyone else
Who ever touched me
When I never said yes
And even said no

LEAVE MY MEMORY
And please
Just let me
Live in peace

I
trembling fingers write
with every emotion 
lied to myself again tonight
not another day to waste
meanings start to blur
in the in-betweens 
of music heard with me
now musings for another

now is this the most fun
you had in your life
wasted youth, everyday
nooses and strings
nothing gets through you

-
nothing else matters
like another lie you tell yourself
tonight, like every night
you drown yourself in hate
you drown, you are never found 
you drown yourself in hate

II
now isn't it the most fun
you had two weeks in
stomping on the ground
on which i have weeded out
all the mistakes myself
to blame you 
marching on the love i had
i found with you

every word is a mistake
every chance is a let down to myself
every memory is unforgiving
eat your words and spit out new mistakes
you drown yourself in hate

-
nothing else matters
like another lie you tell yourself
tonight, like every night
you drown yourself in hate
you drown, you are never found 
you drown yourself in hate

III
try and fix yourself
set yourself apart from the world
did you find what you were looking for?
did you gain the world instead?
you live with all but no regrets
but in the end, you see the truth

you are what you hate in yourself
you drown yourself in hate
in lies, in guilt you drown
you are all that i hated in me
you were all that i loved

-
nothing else matters
like another lie you tell yourself
tonight, like every night
you drown yourself in hate
you drown, you are never found 
you drown yourself in hate
you drown yourself in hate

today i’ll wake up and see the sun
set apart my soul from what was
the ghost you left with me
you drown, you are never found
you drown yourself in hate
you drown yourself in hate