He is Drowned

Contours of chest holding hollow air
Silent as empty promise

Buried along side broken glass.

The muck between his ears, distant.
Easily forgotten

Now my neurons fire like tangled thread
Bottles drained
Each sip twisting meanings

I must be worthless

These hands were bread to serve
To save
There is worth in salvation
If it is all that I have left
I will deliver it to him

I’m sorry that I don’t always
Find the time for exercising
And sometimes my room is cluttered
I’m not a real clean person

I’m sorry that sometimes
I leave my cereal bowl
On the table
I don’t relate, half the time
To things that are important

But I don’t smoke and
I don’t drink
I don’t do drugs
I don’t party
I’m good at school,
And I live at home
I’m doing my best, Mom.

I know sometimes
I’m not perfect
I do not practice
What I preach
But neither do you
Cause no one can
Don’t mean to burst your bubble.

I can’t read minds,
You’d like me to
I wish I could
Cause then I’d know
Exactly when you’re mad at me
And then I wouldn’t need
To have these pointless
Panic Attacks
My brain thinks are so important
I should see a doctor

But I don’t smoke and
I don’t drink
I don’t do drugs
I don’t party
I do well school,
And I live at home
I’m doing my best, Mom.

I like to think
I’m unique
I try to stand outside the crowd
But you told me
I sure blend in well
I think that’s mean
Because you’re the most
Basic ***** I’ve ever known
But maybe you’re right,
I’m just like you.

But I don’t smoke and
I don’t drink
I don’t do drugs
I don’t party
I’m good at school,
And I live at home
I’m doing my best, Mom.

You’re right, Mom:
A "B" is not an "A"
I’m a hoarder
I’m not healthy
I’m pretty lazy
Quite complacent
Self-righteous
Inconsiderate

But I’m doing my best, Mom

Well my mind is a blur
And my hearts full of pain,
So let's drink to the moon
And shout poems to the sky.

I see you drinking
a cup of warm tea
with chipped toenails
that scrunch your throat.

Your hand pour
the sand that looks like
pure brown sugar which
crunches between your teeth.

As you swirl it
it turns to black juice
with ****** veins
that clenches to your tongue.

Is that how you went ahead
and became so bitter?

I wake up every morning
It always starts the same
Trying to remember yesteday
It's just part of the game

Lord, I can't go on not remembering last night
I can't keep livin' hard I must confess
Lord, I 'm here to say I'm not drinking anymore
But, then again, I ain't drinking any less

I'm not drinking anymore
I'm not drinking any less
I'm tired of sleeping on the floor
My life is one hot mess

A room of empty bottles
Ashtrays full up to the brink
I look at them and all I feel
Is that I need another drink

This can't go on forever
I can't deal with all the stress
I'm not drinking anymore
But, I ain't drinking any less

Lord, I can't go on not remembering last night
I can't keep livin' hard I must confess
Lord, I 'm here to say I'm not drinking anymore
But, then again, I ain't drinking any less

It’s been a while since I tried to write a poem.
It’s been a while since I’ve tried to make sense of the Spirographs that are my thoughts.
Sometimes I try and follow the line as it weaves it ways through the dark circles.
But sometimes
I can’t,
Sometimes I end up in the kitchen taking a whole bottle of pills,
Sometimes I end up in the hospital drinking bottles of charcoal,
You see everyday April 5th replays in my mind.