Torrential downpours of raw
Irritation.
Regret swirls with loss into
Whirlpools of rage, desire, and hopelessness.

Smiles guile miles between isles
of disconnected people.
Eyes see ******* butts ***** and big *****….
Missing hearts….
Missing the empty arms of long alone longing.
Reasons and reasons, seasons and seasons.
The flow continues and we cannot stop for what's missed.

Apparition,
depise m3.
Always clinging onto
Dissonance.
It wasn't my fault.
The stresses stresses on
And nothing like it
Could ever begone.
It tears me.
You ever rip apart
The flesh of metaphoric
Truth?
Ofcourse not.
It belongs subjective.
Parallel and defiant.  
It belongs to no one.
This continues onward.
It discontinues.

my hands tingle.
these hands don’t feel mine.
they don’t look like mine.
they resemble that of some scary witch,
nails long & sharp.
they don’t look mine.
this is not my skin.
my skin is lighter,
my skin is frail.
whos body is this?
how did i get trapped here.
i see myself in the mirror,
& i don’t recognize this girl staring back at me,
with such deep, dark, yet hollow eyes.
a doll, vacant but beautiful.
not what i would call beautiful…
but i guess she’s alright.
i feel sorry for her,
so empty.
i want to reach out & hold her,
tell her she will be alright.
as if she can hear me,
her eyes well silently
& tears drip slowly.
but still, that empty stare…
where have you gone?
i hear music playing,
but the sound is blurry
& the shapes around her are mumbled.
my arms feel weak,
as if i can’t lift them.
my eyelids are heavy,
as if i can’t keep them open.
where am i?
who am i?
is that vacant girl me?
that can’t be,
it can’t be….

There's this heavy feeling,
An unbearable lightness of being,
Like I'm mindlessly floating,
With no sense of belonging.

The world moves and changes,
And I'm left behind to wander for ages,
The memories mock and jests,
What once was makes me wish time regress.

I tried to hold on and belong,
But my connections don't last long,
I know I've done nothing wrong,
Still they left and didn't bring me along.

Now there's dread that lurks at bay,
And so I easily float away,
But for once, I wish I could stay,
God, I don't wanna stay this way.

So I'm just a drifter drifting,
Never staying, always searching.
Don't mind me, keep on living,
You'll forget me in the morning.

I'm just a drifter drifting,
Never staying, always searching,
But God I'm worn and tired of just surviving,
For once, I wanna try living.

I'm just a drifter drifting,
Never fitting, always lacking,
Please someone see me in passing,
Hold me there and say, just for once,

Come and Stay...

When did things change so much?
When did I get so encapsulated
Into the world of technology?
When did I stop listening
To myself and my own thoughts
And instead add another view
To some article or YouTube video
Just to reach some spoon-fed "opinion"?

When did we stop engaging
In life and with ourselves?
When did playing video games turn to
Watching other people play them online
Numbing our brains to the world
And "filling" our social needs digitally?
When did watching television turn into
Binge-watching an entire series in one sitting?

With this much constant stimulation
It's no wonder we're bored so easily
And that no one goes outside anymore
And that I don't feel alive anymore
Because one of the first things I do
When I get home from work or the gym
Is turn on the smart tv so it can warm up
Because the apps on it take time to load
And I already know that my free time
Will be spent in front of that screen

Lately I've been nervous about
Eventually moving in with new people
Primarily because I spend a lot of my time
Passively using the television
I was concerned with how we'd balance our usage
Instead of considering changing the way I spend my time

When did I start placing my use of technology
Above my own self-care?
When I spend hours watching YouTube
But still forget to take a shower sometimes
And I truly wonder if my recent urges
To leave the state to work on a farm for a month
Are more indicative of some deep desire
To unplug and reset my energy and priorities
Than my interest in agriculture or
Learning to live off of the land

When did I start to feel the need
To take such drastic measures
To change something so simple
Something I could choose to disengage with
At the simple touch of a button?