fire can never be fully diminished
as long as wind exists to enkindle it once again.

To be in love.
Her heart was a hill that I climbed with slippery soles.
To be still in the moments of encouragement.
I'd slide down unable to catch my footing.
I acknowledge that I wasn't dressed for the occasion.
Still persisting to climb.
To be in love.
The valley of dream & hope.
I tied my shoes tighter.
My hands filled with grit and grass.
No matter how hard I tried I constantly slid down.
The sky a beautiful mix of orange and blue.
Her love was a sight I longed to see.
The meadow to low to catch the best view.
Everything she has to offer.
I tossed through mud and dirt.
Learning patience in every attempt, the closer I got.
She'd open her arms wide.
And each time I'll fall face first.
Still determined I didn't cease to stop.
I spent a lot of time there.
Lost in a valley of fog.
To afraid to ask for help.
Scared that my secret valley would no longer be my own.
That everything serene.
Everything that I loved would be modernized, torn apart piece by piece.
No matter how many times I slip.
No matter how many times I fall.
I love everything ,
Still persisting to climb.
Learning patience with each step

What might it be, that lets some just not give up when there is
absolutely no reason to continue fighting any longer ?
As I question this to myself, in a room filled with candle light,
I realise that it might be an ember of hope, of determination,
courage and the imagination to win what lets them carry through.
In this weaving melody of thoughts, breath flowing uninterrupted
I want to lose myself in this wandering fragrance just for this,
endless seeming, moment of unimaginable emotions.
As then I remember the countless times I had lift myself up,
Was it that I had abandoned hope until now or was it that my
means had become pointless so I decided to give up and let this
internal, inferno which let myself rise from the fires of the battlefield
go out and turn into an dying ember, flickering in it's last moments.


Yet I have come to understand what it really meant:


The emptiness you’ve carried and lost is but nothing!
Desiring the grand beauty of the heavens far above
From here we may never look up nor ever return!
This world shall not take even half of our spirits!


And so I rise from the fire once more, after having burned, been consumed and fed by it for such a long lasting while.
Because I wish to protect you, all I desire is to protect you.
Thus I return into the battlefield from which I have fallen.
To shine once again, illuminating your days so you may smile.


~ Umi

Don't you just love it whenever
Everything comes together?
When despite all your fears and doubts
Your hard work pays off, things work out!

The feeling is a special one,
That feeling of a job well done.
For though 'twas hard, you stuck at it;
Though you could have, you did not quit!

Don't have pity on me
Just because I may not be as beautiful as they
Or as smart
Or as talented

Or have as many friends
Or as much money

Or that my anxiety kicks in around them
Or that I wish to hide forever

Or that my words are shallow and forgotten
Or that my voice is drowned out in a sea of strangers
And that I can't find myself anymore

But don't have pity on me
Because even though I am broken
And my lips sing the sweet sound of blasphemy
There remains one voice in the back of my mind

Determination.

What might it be that doesn't let me compete to three verses ?
Perhaps it is that I tend to write longer poems, perhaps the lengh
shouldn't matter so much as the message is carried through.
From mind to heart, then to ones soul I try to reach out with no goal.
Yet am beaten, brought back down, by three verses which show up
with such malice, ominous, threatful aura, they have approached me.
I pretend not to mind, I pretend not to have seen it, yet the simple,
silly, broken stream in my thoughts has already engaged it.
So that it once again, cannot repress, envy on such a level.
My writing style might have been through changes, might have
come to a disliking to those who prefer a clear, structured, yet well
recorded, beautiful and magnificent rhyme pattern.
That should surely catch one's eye, perhaps fill them with glee and
bliss, happy thoughts that they would miss once they are gone.
But no, I cannot turn, this path was chosen, locked, destined to be
walked upon on an journey which has become endless, by time
which had stopped passing anymore.
So now it became unrecognised, forgotten, left in an abyss without
any light to expose it to the world outside my head.
Such is the fate, which I will gladly bear with, for this, has been
a  route, from which I learn and educate.
So go ahead, you can take my flame thrice, even if I might not be
able to burn this image into your eyes, this ember, about to go out
from the cold, windy, airless area, will only burn brighter.
As it rises from the ashes and yet again, goes ablaze

~ Umi